heya! See the thing with Bucky is that there's a lot of his issues that I'm weaving in slowly in case I want to bring them to the fore later, but that all work is sitting in the story for James' characterization. So basically, James has three things going on that are contributing to his (vocalized) physical state:
1. The physical trauma of a life hard spent - track in high school, working construction as a teenager, then eight or so years in the Army living rough on deployment, and that culminating in the explosion that took his arm and ended his career.
2. Overcompensation since the explosion - when the human body is out of balance, overcompensation and balance issues can arise and over time can compound if one isn't careful. so James carries weight on his right side and overcompensates for balance (especially if that weight is a small child who doesn't get why she needs to be still and wants to kick!) and so over time muscle and joint aches can add up.
3. The physical effect that emotional trauma can have on the body. We've seen Bucky articulate when he knows he's experiencing the emotional and mental symptoms of his PTSD (nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, heightened vigilance, flashbacks) but the physical symptoms that can accompany PTSD (and associated depression) are woven through the story in Bucky's reactions to his physical sensations. He's tired a lot, he has a low sex drive, he just aches sometimes, and as he's isolated himself so much over the years and has no adult to talk to about this stuff, he tells himself it's just because he's old (at 32).
Because admitting that it's not that he's old, that he's going through (and has gone through) a lot of complete shit and he should be in counselling or talking to someone, that means it's outside of Bucky's control and that is one thing he can't ever had. He has to be in control. Because if he's in control, then nothing bad can happen to him.
Bucky Barnes: More issues than the National Geographic.
As for the talk about food and exercise, that was for something that I may or may not expand on, around Bucky's control issues extending to food and exercise. Back when he was running around all the time, he never had to worry about food or anything, but after he lost his arm and basically got benched, he started to focus on what parts of his life he could control and that included food and exercise. In the early months with Natasha, I think I mentioned in the story that he was having to monitor her calorie intake a lot because she wasn't gaining like she should (a sensitive belly and just being so sick for so long), so calories were top of mind for him for a while and that probably didn't help James' mind.
Of course, James doesn't see that Steve's working out hard for over an hour every day - he spends his lunch break at work on the treadmill or on the weights, in addition to a good metabolism. But James sees Steve eating all this food and he just focuses on what he can control.
tl;dr - Bucky has gone through a lot physically and is impacted physically by past emotional traumas, but he's also so isolated that he'd got this echo chamber in his head where he can convince himself that he's just getting old, and push back the idea that maybe a 32 year old man should be feeling like that and he should talk to someone. But, again, control.
no subject
1. The physical trauma of a life hard spent - track in high school, working construction as a teenager, then eight or so years in the Army living rough on deployment, and that culminating in the explosion that took his arm and ended his career.
2. Overcompensation since the explosion - when the human body is out of balance, overcompensation and balance issues can arise and over time can compound if one isn't careful. so James carries weight on his right side and overcompensates for balance (especially if that weight is a small child who doesn't get why she needs to be still and wants to kick!) and so over time muscle and joint aches can add up.
3. The physical effect that emotional trauma can have on the body. We've seen Bucky articulate when he knows he's experiencing the emotional and mental symptoms of his PTSD (nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, heightened vigilance, flashbacks) but the physical symptoms that can accompany PTSD (and associated depression) are woven through the story in Bucky's reactions to his physical sensations. He's tired a lot, he has a low sex drive, he just aches sometimes, and as he's isolated himself so much over the years and has no adult to talk to about this stuff, he tells himself it's just because he's old (at 32).
Because admitting that it's not that he's old, that he's going through (and has gone through) a lot of complete shit and he should be in counselling or talking to someone, that means it's outside of Bucky's control and that is one thing he can't ever had. He has to be in control. Because if he's in control, then nothing bad can happen to him.
Bucky Barnes: More issues than the National Geographic.
As for the talk about food and exercise, that was for something that I may or may not expand on, around Bucky's control issues extending to food and exercise. Back when he was running around all the time, he never had to worry about food or anything, but after he lost his arm and basically got benched, he started to focus on what parts of his life he could control and that included food and exercise. In the early months with Natasha, I think I mentioned in the story that he was having to monitor her calorie intake a lot because she wasn't gaining like she should (a sensitive belly and just being so sick for so long), so calories were top of mind for him for a while and that probably didn't help James' mind.
Of course, James doesn't see that Steve's working out hard for over an hour every day - he spends his lunch break at work on the treadmill or on the weights, in addition to a good metabolism. But James sees Steve eating all this food and he just focuses on what he can control.
tl;dr - Bucky has gone through a lot physically and is impacted physically by past emotional traumas, but he's also so isolated that he'd got this echo chamber in his head where he can convince himself that he's just getting old, and push back the idea that maybe a 32 year old man should be feeling like that and he should talk to someone. But, again, control.
(PS: Your sister is hardcore, wow)