Brooklyn Boys (an Old Soldier's outtake)
Jun. 30th, 2014 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mhalachaitl;dr - too much time on my hands this weekend. Have an outtake from Old Soldiers (post chapter 11). PS this series is canon-divergent from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. (Also on AO3)
Summary: James “Bucky” Barnes still isn't sure how this whole friendship thing is supposed to work out, not when his best friend and his best girl aren't exactly seeing eye to eye.
Alternate title care of Natasha, “Me and you and your friend Steve”.
"You're smiling."
"A trick of the light." James slid his hand under the blanket, Natalia's skin soft to his touch. "Maybe you should get your eyes checked."
"My eyesight is perfect," Natalia informed him. She pushed him down and crawled on top of him, warm and solid, so soon after waking. "What are you thinking about?"
"This and that," James said as he ran his fingers through her hair. Truth be told, he had a lot of things on his mind. In two days, he was heading back to Colorado Springs and the tender care of the U.S. Air Force. He didn't know what was in store for him there, not what a one-armed man might be able to do in the military nor what they might want from a man who had once been the Winter Soldier.
Moreover, James didn't want to leave New York, not while Natalia was there. James was making inroads with his faulty memories, because of or in spite of Steve Roger's presence, he didn't know. But damn it, he was making progress, finding his way back to himself, and he didn't want any Uncle Sam road trip to mess that up.
But he couldn't say any of this to Natalia. He wanted her to think him strong, resilient, stable… worthy, the man she thought he was.
Looking down at James, Natalia traced a line down the bridge of his nose. "There are lines in the corners of your eyes when you worry," she told him, dipping her head to kiss him briefly. "It makes you look distinguished."
"That's just another word for old." James slid his hand down her back. "And I am. Old."
Natalia rolled her eyes. "A man of, what, thirty-three?" she asked, sliding off him. "Yes, so old."
James shifted onto his left side to look at Natalia. Only two weeks after the military surgeons had to amputate the shattered remainder of his left arm under the metal prosthetic, and he was starting to get used to the emptiness that remained. "I was thinking," he admitted, careful as he put his hand on the blanket covering her stomach. "Of you."
The smile slowly faded from her lips, replaced by a careful consideration. "And what do you think of me?" she asked.
James chose his words with care, not wanting to sound the romantic fool he felt himself to be, nor for her to dismiss him as teasing. "That I would do anything for you," he said. "Anything at all."
She looked at him for a long time, weighing his words. "I would not ask anything of you that is not your choice," she finally said, rolling onto her side. "Nothing that you would not give freely."
She moved closer to him then, put her arms around him and held him with a sudden strength. He returned the embrace as best he could, wishing he did not have to leave her so soon after finding her again.
He didn't know what to expect at Stargate Command.
"Still," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "If there's anything you want from me, ask it."
She pulled back from the embrace and brushed her nose against his, making him smile. "Hrm," she said with a mock-frown. "Would you… kiss my cheek?"
He did so.
"Would you kiss my throat?"
He slid down the bed to do as she asked, suspecting that he knew where this was headed.
"Would you… tickle my toes?"
With a sudden movement, James sat up and pulled the covers off Natalia, picking up one leg and tickling her bare foot. Natalia laughed aloud, twisting and kicking as James tickled her. After a few moments, she sat up and curled around him, kissing him breathless.
The kiss lasted a long time, long after laughter had died away. When Natalia pulled back this time, she was sombre.
"What I want from you is for you to be healthy," she said. "I want you alive, and safe."
That was what he wanted for her as well, and he wondered if she knew that he would give everything he had, even his life, to keep her safe.
"What do you want for breakfast?" Natalia asked, sitting on the bathroom counter while James shaved.
James waited until he had switched off the electric razor before responding. "How about the rest of that cake?"
Natalia pursed her lips. "If I have all that sugar this early in the morning. I will be sick by noon."
She had a point. "How about bacon?" James asked before he splashed water on his face. The shave wasn't as smooth as he'd been able to achieve with a straight razor, back when he was a young man, but no one used straight razors anymore, it seemed.
"No bacon."
"Eggs?"
Natalia slid off the counter. "How about you get dressed and I will take you out for breakfast?"
She slapped him on the ass as she passed. It was weird, James thought, how much he was going to miss this.
The diner was about as busy as it had been the first time James had been there. Natalia was first through the door, scanning the room while James kept an eye for anyone tailing them. He nearly walked into Natalia at her abrupt stop. His hand was halfway to the knife in his jacket when he spotted what had caused her to stop so suddenly. At the back of the diner, in a booth all by himself, sat Steve Rogers.
Natalia was motionless for a fraction of a moment, too short for anyone else to notice, before she was on her way easily back toward Steve. But James had seen it, knew the woman too well to think she had simply been startled.
"Hi, Steve," Natalia said when she was in earshot of the man, James on her heels. "How are you?"
The man had looked up from his newspaper, smiling in surprise. "Good," he said, already out of the booth and standing in Natalia's presence. "Do you want to join me?"
James couldn't see Natalia's face, but he could just imagine her expression. "Sure," she said, and nimbly slipped into the seat facing the door that Steve had just vacated.
James slapped Steve on the back and sat beside Natalia, leaving Steve to take a seat in the other side of the booth. "Hasn't anyone told you that standing for a lady's out of fashion?" James asked when Steve was settled.
"Common courtesy never goes out of fashion," Steve countered, picking up his coffee cup.
"It doesn't bother me," Natalia said, one eyebrow arched. "It gave me a chance to steal his wallet."
And she tossed a thin leather billfold onto the table.
James couldn't help but laugh at the bewilderment on Steve's face. "That's on you," he said, leaning against Natalia. "Now you're buying breakfast."
The waitress approached then, carrying Steve's breakfast plate. James ordered a double-stack of pancakes, while Natalia asked for eggs and sausage. "What are you two up to?" Steve asked, hesitating only slightly before tucking into his hash.
"Breakfast out," Natalia replied, paging through the newspaper. "Perhaps then enjoying the sights."
"Sounds fun." Steve bent over his breakfast, and James let Natalia show him a news story on political developments in Australia. Under the table, she rested her hand on James' thigh.
They spoke of light matters until their food arrived. By then, Steve had slowed down on his breakfast, and Natalia talked about some event Steve had been involved in while James focused on eating a plateful of pancakes one-handed.
Once he had made some headway with the pancakes, James sat back and watched Natalia and Steve interact. It was odd, when he thought about it; he hadn't really seen the two of them together before when they weren't working. Normally, Steve would take off when Natalia came into the room.
Only that wasn't it, James thought, absently spearing a slice of sausage off Natalia's plate. That was only when he was around. Other times, Natalia was quick to spend time with Steve, sparring with him on a regular basis, or as evidenced by Steve's sketchbooks, just be around him.
Was he inadvertently driving them apart?
"How is your Spanish coming along?" Natalia was asking Steve.
The man gave a shrug, those big shoulders moving like mountains. "I'm doing okay," he said in a tone that James knew from long exposure – the Rogers mix of modesty and pride. "At least I can hold a conversation now and not sound like a complete boob."
"Spanish?" James asked, mouth full of pancakes. "When did that happen?"
"Last week." Steve gave James a look. "It makes sense, given current demographic trends."
"Current trends," James echoed. He tapped Natalia's leg with his foot. "Did Steve tell you about his littlest fans the other week?"
"The ones who wanted him to sign their comic books?" Natalia asked. "He did."
This gave James pause. There it was, yet another hint that there was more going on between Natalia and Steve than James had seen. He waited out the thin stab of jealousy in his heart, and continued. "This guy could learn languages like it was breathing, after the whole super soldier thing."
"Mostly European languages, at first," Steve said. He was smiling wide and open at James. "It was more relevant during the War."
"Spain is in Europe," Natalia pointed out, stealing a bite of James' pancakes.
"We were mostly fighting in Germany and Italy," Steve said. "I also picked up French and some Austrian. But things are different now, New York is different than when we left. A lot of the folks who work in the Tower speak Spanish. Some of the guys who work in the garage have been helping me out."
"Good," James said approvingly. "Then you can sign your own autographs from here on in."
"What else are you working on?" Natalia asked. She was watching Steve with very green eyes. "Russian, perhaps?"
He met her gaze. "Yeah, a bit."
This surprised James. "What the hell do you want to learn Russian for?"
"A lot of history happened between the Soviet Union and the West while I was in the ice," Steve said, his chin up. "Makes sense to be able to read the original documentation on both sides."
"And to listen to things said by those who speak Russian to each other," Natalia said, in Russian. Steve and Natalia looked at each other, for a long moment, then Natalia nudged at James' side. "Let me out." This was in English.
James stood, letting Natalia out of the booth to head back to the washroom. He slipped back into the both to look at Steve. "Natalia doesn't like to be spied on," James said.
"I wasn't going to snoop," Steve said, astonished.
"So why Russian, if only Natalia and I talk it?"
Steve ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Because sometimes you don't remember things in English and I was starting to think that it might be easier to remember if you have a go at it in Russian. What you been through, most of it seems to have been in Russian, okay?" Steve slumped a fraction. "I thought maybe, it might help. I don't know."
"You don't gotta do that 'cause of me."
Steve shook his head. "Yeah, I do. I want to."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend, you ass." Steve picked at a small dent in the table's plastic top. "And all the stuff that's happened… I ain't been much help to you, but I aim to change that."
Steve's unexpected declaration made James' gut churn. "You don't be obliged to me," James said, low so they would not be overheard. "You wanna be my friend? Be it, but not 'cause you feel guilty or some shit."
"I'm not!" Steve said, learning forward to emphasize his vehemence. "I'm your friend, jerk, like I always been. Since we were kids, same thing."
Friends, just like that. James breathed through the sudden spike of anxiety, his faulty memory bringing back a flood of memories of his friendship with Steve. He seemed to recall there had been a lot of fighting involved, mostly with guys from whom Steve wouldn't back down when he should have known better. "Friends, huh?"
"May as well," Steve said. He sat back, the gathering tension easing out of his shoulders. "Who else would want us at this point?"
His words heralded the return of Natalia, who nudged at James to move deeper into the booth. "Are you two playing nice?" she asked.
"Of course," James said, flashing her a winning smile. "Steve and I are far too old for the kind of shenanigans you're thinking of."
Natalia rolled her eyes. "What are you going to do for the rest of the day?" she asked Steve. "Do you have work?"
The man shook his head. "There's an art exhibit over in Queens, Bruce said he'd go with me, but that's not 'til tonight."
Maybe it was the downcast eyes, or the slightly slumped set of Steve's shoulders that got him, but James blurted out, "We could do something. You know, together."
Natalia's head swivelled at his words, but James was busy looking at Steve, who was grinning again. "Like what?" Steve asked.
"I dunno. Something fun, not your boring museum art gallery crap."
"We could go to the park," Steve said hopefully. "They've done some cool things since… well, since we were there last."
They both turned to Natalia, who was staring with a blank expression between them. She ran her tongue over her lower lip. "There are places to walk around," she said, her words coming out slow and careful.
James wondered at her reticence, but Steve was already off again. "The zoo! Bucky, you remember going to the zoo when we were kids?"
James went still, tripped up by the name Steve had called him more than the lack of memory of what Steve was talking about.
Zoo. He remembered a zoo, but it had been winter and the fashions were strange, the language Slavic. Had it been in Ukraine? No, Poland. He had been sent to kill someone in Poland.
But Steve was not to know that.
The grin was sliding off Steve's face; it had only been a moment since the man had spoken, James tried to rally, to some up with a distracting line, but his words were gone, lost in a swirl of snow and blood.
At his side, Natalia shifted around. She put her hand on the back of his neck, a warning for him to pull it together. "What was the zoo like when you went as children?" Natalia asked. Her words were for Steve, but she never looked away from James.
"It was, uh," Steve stammered. "It was busy. Free, back then, with animals in cages. Bruce said they changed all that in the eighties, and you gotta pay to get in now."
"That's all right." Natalia's grip had loosened, and she was stroking her fingers up and down the side of James' neck, hairline to shirt collar. "We have money."
James focused on Natalia's words. Money. He had money. He had a fold of bills in his jacket pocket, a few quarters and dimes in his jeans, and a plastic credit card tucked away in case of emergency. With money, he could get as far away as the Canadian border, sneak across the line, hole up in a small town and hide.
Manitoba, he'd always thought. Manitoba sounded like a nice place to live. Nothing ever happened in Manitoba.
"We have money," James said, echoing Natalia's words. He sat up, pressing his shoulders against the back of the booth. "We can go to the zoo."
Natalia's hand slid to his shoulder, then away. "I'll pay. You two figure out how to camouflage Captain America for a trip to the park." She stood, moving to the counter.
James blinked down at his hand, resting on the table. His fingers were shaking slightly and he didn't understand.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?" James asked, his voice sharp. He gave his head a shake. "Ain't your fault I can't remember some stuff." He swung his legs around to stand up. "Come on, you shouldn't keep a lady waiting."
Steve trailed after James out of the diner, out to where Natalia was waiting by a lamppost. When she spotted them, she turned on her heel and started walking. "Took you two long enough," she said.
"Steve's an old man, getting places is hard," James said, slipping into place beside Natalia. "You want to get the train or something?"
"It isn't even twenty blocks to the zoo," Natalia said dismissively. "You just ate enough pancakes to keep an army fed, you really want to sit down?"
She touched his side as she spoke, however, and James knew what signals he could throw to her if he was feeling weakened. "Nah, this is easy," he said, and knew without looking that Steve fell into step on Natalia's other side.
They walked towards the park, the three of them like any modern group of friends might do, on a weekday morning in New York. Only they weren't normal at all. James walked with his deformed left side tucked close behind Natalia's arm; Steve slouching along and still drawing stares. What a sight they must have been, James thought grimly, attracting so much attention.
He was just about to suggest that they split up and make their way separately to their destination, when Natalia halted in front of a street vendor's stall. "You're impossible," Natalia said quietly to Steve, reaching for a pair of sunglasses. "Here."
James lounged by the side of the table, watching with amusement as Natalia played dress-up with Steve, sunglasses and a hat. She to wrap a scarf around his neck but he bent backwards out of her reach, looking harried.
James was still laughing over it as they neared the park. "Quit your sulking," he suggested when Steve glared out at him from behind new sunglasses. "At least no one's going to ask for your autograph now."
"I don't normally get bothered when I'm outside," Steve said grumpily.
Natalia was quiet on the walk, letting James and Steve bounce words off each other. At the zoo gates, she stepped back to let Steve pay the entrance fee, leaning against James' side.
"You all right?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.
"Yes," she said, but he wasn't sure he believed her.
"Do you want to leave?" he asked quietly, switching to Polish so Steve could not understand them. "I can tell Steve that you are busy."
"No," Natalia replied in kind. She put her hand on his lower back, the pressure of her touch light through his jacket. "I will spend the day with you."
Steve came back, tickets in hand, and into the zoo they went.
James had no recollection of the place, but Steve made up for his silence, talking about what they'd seen as children and how different it was now. If the man was uncomfortable about James' lack of contribution to the conversation, he made no sign.
Natalia carried her end of the conversation well, voice light as she contributed anecdotes to Steve's stream of words. But James knew her well enough to know that half of what she said was false, the slight lilt on her phrasing proof of that. He didn't understand why she was making things up, but Steve was eased as they walked through the zoo, chatting about inconsequential things.
They watched the sea lions for a while, then the penguins. Throughout it all, Natalia kept James at her side, letting him stay close to conceal his left side from curious eyes. Steve walked along at Natalia's other side.
It was nice, James realized after a while, to be with Natalia and Steve at the same time. They liked each other, he was pretty sure, and they were both smart and attractive people.
He wondered if Natalia had thought about Steve like that, before James came back into her life. He was pretty sure that Steve would have at least noticed Natalia; everyone noticed Natalia like that.
"You're thinking too hard," Natalia said to him quietly as they strolled past the snow leopard enclosure.
He tried to smile, but he felt hollow. "I'm just thinking that you're pretty."
She didn't buy it, but he hadn't thought she would. Instead, she moved around to his right side and slipped her arm though his.
If Steve noticed anything, he wisely kept silent.
After they had made their circuit, Natalia stepped away from them, saying that she wanted to look at the snakes and she would see them in a while. Then she was gone into the crowd.
"Is she okay?" Steve asked, leaning on the fence to watch the snow monkeys.
"Sure," James said. "Why wouldn't she be?"
Steve pulled off the sunglasses, looking down at the cheap plastic in his hand. "She's quiet," was all he said.
James pressed his empty left sleeve against the fence, ignoring a gaggle of school children wandering past. "Natalia can take care of herself. Just gotta let her do it."
"I know, but…" Steve tucked the sunglasses into his jacket. "You two were having a day out, and I don't want to be crashing that."
"That's not it," James objected. "What's a few hours with a good friend, huh?"
"I want us to be," Steve said unexpectedly. "Good friends."
Steve's face was so hopeful, that James could only shake his head and try to deflect some of the enthusiasm. "We are, you dope." He hit Steve lightly on the arm. "I'm going to see how long Natalia's going to be. Meet you here?"
"Sure," Steve said, and James just hoped the man wouldn't start a riot or something. Captain America at the zoo, what a newspaper headline.
James found Natalia in the reptile house, staring through the glass at a bright green snake. "So Steve wanted to make sure you're okay," he said, standing beside her.
"And it's all about Steve," Natalia murmured, not moving.
James looked down at her. "I thought you liked Steve."
"I do like Steve." She turned towards him. "It is good to see the two of you getting along. You seem… calmer, now, when he's around."
"I like having Steve around," James said, and was surprised to find that he meant it. "It's like… some of the stuff I remember, he's in that. It's familiar."
Natalia slid her hand over his wrist, fingers cool on his skin. "I am glad to have you feel that way."
Something in her voice rang false, but he wasn't sure what. For all that he'd been through in the past few weeks, he was nearly certain that Natalia meant what she said, when she indicated that it was good for him to be around Steve. "You're more familiar," he added, turning his hand around in her grasp to tangle his fingers with hers.
Her grip was suddenly tight. "I will not compete with Steve," she said, holding him in place.
"There's nothing to compete over," James said, confused. "He's my friend."
"And I?" Natalia's hand slackened, fell away. They stood looking at each other, close but not touching, while the nearby screeching of birds served as a discordant backdrop.
"I'd say you're my friend too," James said, wondering where the hell this was all going. "Whatever we are now, we were friends first."
I've never had a friend before, he had said once, to which Natalia had replied, You can be my friend. He didn't know where or when he had said those things, but it was a real memory, it had happened.
"We are friends now," Natalia said. Still, she did not move. "May I ask something of you?"
"Anything," he replied immediately, but unlike his declaration of that morning, he was struck with a sudden reticence. What might she ask of him? To push Steve away?
Would he do that? Could he do that?
Natalia put her hand on his chest. She was keeping her expression blank, but her eyes… there was so much emotion in her eyes. "Whatever happens, know that I am glad you are back in my life."
He waited for the anvil to drop, but when Natalia stopped speaking, he blinked. "That's it?"
"Isn't that enough?"
He let out a breath, irrationally happy. She wouldn't pull him away from Steve.
But why would she? What would make him think that Natasha Romanoff would ever want such a thing? In his past, he'd dated girls who didn't understand why he'd spend time with Steve, had worried himself that Steve's hypothetical girl would push them apart.
Still, like the fool he was, he persisted. "You want me to send Steve back to the Tower?" James asked. "We can go for a walk around the park?"
Natalia shook her head, all hesitation gone. "You wanted to spend the day with Steve, we will spend the day with Steve." She slipped under his arm, pulling him along as they walked, together, toward the door. "Let's see if we can find some popcorn."
"I like popcorn," James said, almost giddy as he shifted his arm over Natalia's shoulders to hold her close.
"I know," Natalia said, and she was smiling up at him.
(Steve had indeed started a riot; he was surrounded by a class of hyperactive six-year-olds all clamouring for the attention of Captain America! James stood back, leaving Steve to his public. After a while, Natalia waded in, telling the children that Captain America was needed to help a cat in a tree, and hauled him out of the adoring pint-sized mob.
James didn't stop laughing for hours.)
Summary: James “Bucky” Barnes still isn't sure how this whole friendship thing is supposed to work out, not when his best friend and his best girl aren't exactly seeing eye to eye.
Alternate title care of Natasha, “Me and you and your friend Steve”.
"You're smiling."
"A trick of the light." James slid his hand under the blanket, Natalia's skin soft to his touch. "Maybe you should get your eyes checked."
"My eyesight is perfect," Natalia informed him. She pushed him down and crawled on top of him, warm and solid, so soon after waking. "What are you thinking about?"
"This and that," James said as he ran his fingers through her hair. Truth be told, he had a lot of things on his mind. In two days, he was heading back to Colorado Springs and the tender care of the U.S. Air Force. He didn't know what was in store for him there, not what a one-armed man might be able to do in the military nor what they might want from a man who had once been the Winter Soldier.
Moreover, James didn't want to leave New York, not while Natalia was there. James was making inroads with his faulty memories, because of or in spite of Steve Roger's presence, he didn't know. But damn it, he was making progress, finding his way back to himself, and he didn't want any Uncle Sam road trip to mess that up.
But he couldn't say any of this to Natalia. He wanted her to think him strong, resilient, stable… worthy, the man she thought he was.
Looking down at James, Natalia traced a line down the bridge of his nose. "There are lines in the corners of your eyes when you worry," she told him, dipping her head to kiss him briefly. "It makes you look distinguished."
"That's just another word for old." James slid his hand down her back. "And I am. Old."
Natalia rolled her eyes. "A man of, what, thirty-three?" she asked, sliding off him. "Yes, so old."
James shifted onto his left side to look at Natalia. Only two weeks after the military surgeons had to amputate the shattered remainder of his left arm under the metal prosthetic, and he was starting to get used to the emptiness that remained. "I was thinking," he admitted, careful as he put his hand on the blanket covering her stomach. "Of you."
The smile slowly faded from her lips, replaced by a careful consideration. "And what do you think of me?" she asked.
James chose his words with care, not wanting to sound the romantic fool he felt himself to be, nor for her to dismiss him as teasing. "That I would do anything for you," he said. "Anything at all."
She looked at him for a long time, weighing his words. "I would not ask anything of you that is not your choice," she finally said, rolling onto her side. "Nothing that you would not give freely."
She moved closer to him then, put her arms around him and held him with a sudden strength. He returned the embrace as best he could, wishing he did not have to leave her so soon after finding her again.
He didn't know what to expect at Stargate Command.
"Still," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "If there's anything you want from me, ask it."
She pulled back from the embrace and brushed her nose against his, making him smile. "Hrm," she said with a mock-frown. "Would you… kiss my cheek?"
He did so.
"Would you kiss my throat?"
He slid down the bed to do as she asked, suspecting that he knew where this was headed.
"Would you… tickle my toes?"
With a sudden movement, James sat up and pulled the covers off Natalia, picking up one leg and tickling her bare foot. Natalia laughed aloud, twisting and kicking as James tickled her. After a few moments, she sat up and curled around him, kissing him breathless.
The kiss lasted a long time, long after laughter had died away. When Natalia pulled back this time, she was sombre.
"What I want from you is for you to be healthy," she said. "I want you alive, and safe."
That was what he wanted for her as well, and he wondered if she knew that he would give everything he had, even his life, to keep her safe.
"What do you want for breakfast?" Natalia asked, sitting on the bathroom counter while James shaved.
James waited until he had switched off the electric razor before responding. "How about the rest of that cake?"
Natalia pursed her lips. "If I have all that sugar this early in the morning. I will be sick by noon."
She had a point. "How about bacon?" James asked before he splashed water on his face. The shave wasn't as smooth as he'd been able to achieve with a straight razor, back when he was a young man, but no one used straight razors anymore, it seemed.
"No bacon."
"Eggs?"
Natalia slid off the counter. "How about you get dressed and I will take you out for breakfast?"
She slapped him on the ass as she passed. It was weird, James thought, how much he was going to miss this.
The diner was about as busy as it had been the first time James had been there. Natalia was first through the door, scanning the room while James kept an eye for anyone tailing them. He nearly walked into Natalia at her abrupt stop. His hand was halfway to the knife in his jacket when he spotted what had caused her to stop so suddenly. At the back of the diner, in a booth all by himself, sat Steve Rogers.
Natalia was motionless for a fraction of a moment, too short for anyone else to notice, before she was on her way easily back toward Steve. But James had seen it, knew the woman too well to think she had simply been startled.
"Hi, Steve," Natalia said when she was in earshot of the man, James on her heels. "How are you?"
The man had looked up from his newspaper, smiling in surprise. "Good," he said, already out of the booth and standing in Natalia's presence. "Do you want to join me?"
James couldn't see Natalia's face, but he could just imagine her expression. "Sure," she said, and nimbly slipped into the seat facing the door that Steve had just vacated.
James slapped Steve on the back and sat beside Natalia, leaving Steve to take a seat in the other side of the booth. "Hasn't anyone told you that standing for a lady's out of fashion?" James asked when Steve was settled.
"Common courtesy never goes out of fashion," Steve countered, picking up his coffee cup.
"It doesn't bother me," Natalia said, one eyebrow arched. "It gave me a chance to steal his wallet."
And she tossed a thin leather billfold onto the table.
James couldn't help but laugh at the bewilderment on Steve's face. "That's on you," he said, leaning against Natalia. "Now you're buying breakfast."
The waitress approached then, carrying Steve's breakfast plate. James ordered a double-stack of pancakes, while Natalia asked for eggs and sausage. "What are you two up to?" Steve asked, hesitating only slightly before tucking into his hash.
"Breakfast out," Natalia replied, paging through the newspaper. "Perhaps then enjoying the sights."
"Sounds fun." Steve bent over his breakfast, and James let Natalia show him a news story on political developments in Australia. Under the table, she rested her hand on James' thigh.
They spoke of light matters until their food arrived. By then, Steve had slowed down on his breakfast, and Natalia talked about some event Steve had been involved in while James focused on eating a plateful of pancakes one-handed.
Once he had made some headway with the pancakes, James sat back and watched Natalia and Steve interact. It was odd, when he thought about it; he hadn't really seen the two of them together before when they weren't working. Normally, Steve would take off when Natalia came into the room.
Only that wasn't it, James thought, absently spearing a slice of sausage off Natalia's plate. That was only when he was around. Other times, Natalia was quick to spend time with Steve, sparring with him on a regular basis, or as evidenced by Steve's sketchbooks, just be around him.
Was he inadvertently driving them apart?
"How is your Spanish coming along?" Natalia was asking Steve.
The man gave a shrug, those big shoulders moving like mountains. "I'm doing okay," he said in a tone that James knew from long exposure – the Rogers mix of modesty and pride. "At least I can hold a conversation now and not sound like a complete boob."
"Spanish?" James asked, mouth full of pancakes. "When did that happen?"
"Last week." Steve gave James a look. "It makes sense, given current demographic trends."
"Current trends," James echoed. He tapped Natalia's leg with his foot. "Did Steve tell you about his littlest fans the other week?"
"The ones who wanted him to sign their comic books?" Natalia asked. "He did."
This gave James pause. There it was, yet another hint that there was more going on between Natalia and Steve than James had seen. He waited out the thin stab of jealousy in his heart, and continued. "This guy could learn languages like it was breathing, after the whole super soldier thing."
"Mostly European languages, at first," Steve said. He was smiling wide and open at James. "It was more relevant during the War."
"Spain is in Europe," Natalia pointed out, stealing a bite of James' pancakes.
"We were mostly fighting in Germany and Italy," Steve said. "I also picked up French and some Austrian. But things are different now, New York is different than when we left. A lot of the folks who work in the Tower speak Spanish. Some of the guys who work in the garage have been helping me out."
"Good," James said approvingly. "Then you can sign your own autographs from here on in."
"What else are you working on?" Natalia asked. She was watching Steve with very green eyes. "Russian, perhaps?"
He met her gaze. "Yeah, a bit."
This surprised James. "What the hell do you want to learn Russian for?"
"A lot of history happened between the Soviet Union and the West while I was in the ice," Steve said, his chin up. "Makes sense to be able to read the original documentation on both sides."
"And to listen to things said by those who speak Russian to each other," Natalia said, in Russian. Steve and Natalia looked at each other, for a long moment, then Natalia nudged at James' side. "Let me out." This was in English.
James stood, letting Natalia out of the booth to head back to the washroom. He slipped back into the both to look at Steve. "Natalia doesn't like to be spied on," James said.
"I wasn't going to snoop," Steve said, astonished.
"So why Russian, if only Natalia and I talk it?"
Steve ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Because sometimes you don't remember things in English and I was starting to think that it might be easier to remember if you have a go at it in Russian. What you been through, most of it seems to have been in Russian, okay?" Steve slumped a fraction. "I thought maybe, it might help. I don't know."
"You don't gotta do that 'cause of me."
Steve shook his head. "Yeah, I do. I want to."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend, you ass." Steve picked at a small dent in the table's plastic top. "And all the stuff that's happened… I ain't been much help to you, but I aim to change that."
Steve's unexpected declaration made James' gut churn. "You don't be obliged to me," James said, low so they would not be overheard. "You wanna be my friend? Be it, but not 'cause you feel guilty or some shit."
"I'm not!" Steve said, learning forward to emphasize his vehemence. "I'm your friend, jerk, like I always been. Since we were kids, same thing."
Friends, just like that. James breathed through the sudden spike of anxiety, his faulty memory bringing back a flood of memories of his friendship with Steve. He seemed to recall there had been a lot of fighting involved, mostly with guys from whom Steve wouldn't back down when he should have known better. "Friends, huh?"
"May as well," Steve said. He sat back, the gathering tension easing out of his shoulders. "Who else would want us at this point?"
His words heralded the return of Natalia, who nudged at James to move deeper into the booth. "Are you two playing nice?" she asked.
"Of course," James said, flashing her a winning smile. "Steve and I are far too old for the kind of shenanigans you're thinking of."
Natalia rolled her eyes. "What are you going to do for the rest of the day?" she asked Steve. "Do you have work?"
The man shook his head. "There's an art exhibit over in Queens, Bruce said he'd go with me, but that's not 'til tonight."
Maybe it was the downcast eyes, or the slightly slumped set of Steve's shoulders that got him, but James blurted out, "We could do something. You know, together."
Natalia's head swivelled at his words, but James was busy looking at Steve, who was grinning again. "Like what?" Steve asked.
"I dunno. Something fun, not your boring museum art gallery crap."
"We could go to the park," Steve said hopefully. "They've done some cool things since… well, since we were there last."
They both turned to Natalia, who was staring with a blank expression between them. She ran her tongue over her lower lip. "There are places to walk around," she said, her words coming out slow and careful.
James wondered at her reticence, but Steve was already off again. "The zoo! Bucky, you remember going to the zoo when we were kids?"
James went still, tripped up by the name Steve had called him more than the lack of memory of what Steve was talking about.
Zoo. He remembered a zoo, but it had been winter and the fashions were strange, the language Slavic. Had it been in Ukraine? No, Poland. He had been sent to kill someone in Poland.
But Steve was not to know that.
The grin was sliding off Steve's face; it had only been a moment since the man had spoken, James tried to rally, to some up with a distracting line, but his words were gone, lost in a swirl of snow and blood.
At his side, Natalia shifted around. She put her hand on the back of his neck, a warning for him to pull it together. "What was the zoo like when you went as children?" Natalia asked. Her words were for Steve, but she never looked away from James.
"It was, uh," Steve stammered. "It was busy. Free, back then, with animals in cages. Bruce said they changed all that in the eighties, and you gotta pay to get in now."
"That's all right." Natalia's grip had loosened, and she was stroking her fingers up and down the side of James' neck, hairline to shirt collar. "We have money."
James focused on Natalia's words. Money. He had money. He had a fold of bills in his jacket pocket, a few quarters and dimes in his jeans, and a plastic credit card tucked away in case of emergency. With money, he could get as far away as the Canadian border, sneak across the line, hole up in a small town and hide.
Manitoba, he'd always thought. Manitoba sounded like a nice place to live. Nothing ever happened in Manitoba.
"We have money," James said, echoing Natalia's words. He sat up, pressing his shoulders against the back of the booth. "We can go to the zoo."
Natalia's hand slid to his shoulder, then away. "I'll pay. You two figure out how to camouflage Captain America for a trip to the park." She stood, moving to the counter.
James blinked down at his hand, resting on the table. His fingers were shaking slightly and he didn't understand.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?" James asked, his voice sharp. He gave his head a shake. "Ain't your fault I can't remember some stuff." He swung his legs around to stand up. "Come on, you shouldn't keep a lady waiting."
Steve trailed after James out of the diner, out to where Natalia was waiting by a lamppost. When she spotted them, she turned on her heel and started walking. "Took you two long enough," she said.
"Steve's an old man, getting places is hard," James said, slipping into place beside Natalia. "You want to get the train or something?"
"It isn't even twenty blocks to the zoo," Natalia said dismissively. "You just ate enough pancakes to keep an army fed, you really want to sit down?"
She touched his side as she spoke, however, and James knew what signals he could throw to her if he was feeling weakened. "Nah, this is easy," he said, and knew without looking that Steve fell into step on Natalia's other side.
They walked towards the park, the three of them like any modern group of friends might do, on a weekday morning in New York. Only they weren't normal at all. James walked with his deformed left side tucked close behind Natalia's arm; Steve slouching along and still drawing stares. What a sight they must have been, James thought grimly, attracting so much attention.
He was just about to suggest that they split up and make their way separately to their destination, when Natalia halted in front of a street vendor's stall. "You're impossible," Natalia said quietly to Steve, reaching for a pair of sunglasses. "Here."
James lounged by the side of the table, watching with amusement as Natalia played dress-up with Steve, sunglasses and a hat. She to wrap a scarf around his neck but he bent backwards out of her reach, looking harried.
James was still laughing over it as they neared the park. "Quit your sulking," he suggested when Steve glared out at him from behind new sunglasses. "At least no one's going to ask for your autograph now."
"I don't normally get bothered when I'm outside," Steve said grumpily.
Natalia was quiet on the walk, letting James and Steve bounce words off each other. At the zoo gates, she stepped back to let Steve pay the entrance fee, leaning against James' side.
"You all right?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.
"Yes," she said, but he wasn't sure he believed her.
"Do you want to leave?" he asked quietly, switching to Polish so Steve could not understand them. "I can tell Steve that you are busy."
"No," Natalia replied in kind. She put her hand on his lower back, the pressure of her touch light through his jacket. "I will spend the day with you."
Steve came back, tickets in hand, and into the zoo they went.
James had no recollection of the place, but Steve made up for his silence, talking about what they'd seen as children and how different it was now. If the man was uncomfortable about James' lack of contribution to the conversation, he made no sign.
Natalia carried her end of the conversation well, voice light as she contributed anecdotes to Steve's stream of words. But James knew her well enough to know that half of what she said was false, the slight lilt on her phrasing proof of that. He didn't understand why she was making things up, but Steve was eased as they walked through the zoo, chatting about inconsequential things.
They watched the sea lions for a while, then the penguins. Throughout it all, Natalia kept James at her side, letting him stay close to conceal his left side from curious eyes. Steve walked along at Natalia's other side.
It was nice, James realized after a while, to be with Natalia and Steve at the same time. They liked each other, he was pretty sure, and they were both smart and attractive people.
He wondered if Natalia had thought about Steve like that, before James came back into her life. He was pretty sure that Steve would have at least noticed Natalia; everyone noticed Natalia like that.
"You're thinking too hard," Natalia said to him quietly as they strolled past the snow leopard enclosure.
He tried to smile, but he felt hollow. "I'm just thinking that you're pretty."
She didn't buy it, but he hadn't thought she would. Instead, she moved around to his right side and slipped her arm though his.
If Steve noticed anything, he wisely kept silent.
After they had made their circuit, Natalia stepped away from them, saying that she wanted to look at the snakes and she would see them in a while. Then she was gone into the crowd.
"Is she okay?" Steve asked, leaning on the fence to watch the snow monkeys.
"Sure," James said. "Why wouldn't she be?"
Steve pulled off the sunglasses, looking down at the cheap plastic in his hand. "She's quiet," was all he said.
James pressed his empty left sleeve against the fence, ignoring a gaggle of school children wandering past. "Natalia can take care of herself. Just gotta let her do it."
"I know, but…" Steve tucked the sunglasses into his jacket. "You two were having a day out, and I don't want to be crashing that."
"That's not it," James objected. "What's a few hours with a good friend, huh?"
"I want us to be," Steve said unexpectedly. "Good friends."
Steve's face was so hopeful, that James could only shake his head and try to deflect some of the enthusiasm. "We are, you dope." He hit Steve lightly on the arm. "I'm going to see how long Natalia's going to be. Meet you here?"
"Sure," Steve said, and James just hoped the man wouldn't start a riot or something. Captain America at the zoo, what a newspaper headline.
James found Natalia in the reptile house, staring through the glass at a bright green snake. "So Steve wanted to make sure you're okay," he said, standing beside her.
"And it's all about Steve," Natalia murmured, not moving.
James looked down at her. "I thought you liked Steve."
"I do like Steve." She turned towards him. "It is good to see the two of you getting along. You seem… calmer, now, when he's around."
"I like having Steve around," James said, and was surprised to find that he meant it. "It's like… some of the stuff I remember, he's in that. It's familiar."
Natalia slid her hand over his wrist, fingers cool on his skin. "I am glad to have you feel that way."
Something in her voice rang false, but he wasn't sure what. For all that he'd been through in the past few weeks, he was nearly certain that Natalia meant what she said, when she indicated that it was good for him to be around Steve. "You're more familiar," he added, turning his hand around in her grasp to tangle his fingers with hers.
Her grip was suddenly tight. "I will not compete with Steve," she said, holding him in place.
"There's nothing to compete over," James said, confused. "He's my friend."
"And I?" Natalia's hand slackened, fell away. They stood looking at each other, close but not touching, while the nearby screeching of birds served as a discordant backdrop.
"I'd say you're my friend too," James said, wondering where the hell this was all going. "Whatever we are now, we were friends first."
I've never had a friend before, he had said once, to which Natalia had replied, You can be my friend. He didn't know where or when he had said those things, but it was a real memory, it had happened.
"We are friends now," Natalia said. Still, she did not move. "May I ask something of you?"
"Anything," he replied immediately, but unlike his declaration of that morning, he was struck with a sudden reticence. What might she ask of him? To push Steve away?
Would he do that? Could he do that?
Natalia put her hand on his chest. She was keeping her expression blank, but her eyes… there was so much emotion in her eyes. "Whatever happens, know that I am glad you are back in my life."
He waited for the anvil to drop, but when Natalia stopped speaking, he blinked. "That's it?"
"Isn't that enough?"
He let out a breath, irrationally happy. She wouldn't pull him away from Steve.
But why would she? What would make him think that Natasha Romanoff would ever want such a thing? In his past, he'd dated girls who didn't understand why he'd spend time with Steve, had worried himself that Steve's hypothetical girl would push them apart.
Still, like the fool he was, he persisted. "You want me to send Steve back to the Tower?" James asked. "We can go for a walk around the park?"
Natalia shook her head, all hesitation gone. "You wanted to spend the day with Steve, we will spend the day with Steve." She slipped under his arm, pulling him along as they walked, together, toward the door. "Let's see if we can find some popcorn."
"I like popcorn," James said, almost giddy as he shifted his arm over Natalia's shoulders to hold her close.
"I know," Natalia said, and she was smiling up at him.
(Steve had indeed started a riot; he was surrounded by a class of hyperactive six-year-olds all clamouring for the attention of Captain America! James stood back, leaving Steve to his public. After a while, Natalia waded in, telling the children that Captain America was needed to help a cat in a tree, and hauled him out of the adoring pint-sized mob.
James didn't stop laughing for hours.)