FIC: Consultant (AB.BtVS)

[mhalachai]

A Xander as RPIT expert ficlette for the Ficlette Fiasco II. (master list found here)

Consultant
by Mhalachai
Disclaimer: Laurell K. Hamilton owns all things Anita Blake. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own all the Buffy the Vampire Slayer stuff. I am but borrowing the characters for a brief time and shall return them intact at the end.
Summary: For sparrow015. Follows up to the Xander/Asher ficlette from a while ago, Calling it a Disaster

~~*~~

Xander dropped his head to the desk. His good eye burned from reading too long. It was just like high school again, burning the midnight oil, and just as sucky.

God, if you let me find something in these pictures, I'll be nice to everyone for a month, even Anita, Xander thought. He lifted his head and stared at the pages. Nothing.

A Styrofoam cup slid into view. "Drink this," Zerbrowski ordered as he sat on the edge of Xander's desk.

The coffee was fresh, hot and thick. "Where did this come from?" Xander asked, taking tentative sips from the cup.

"I raided robbery's coffee pot," Zerbrowski said. "We need the good stuff." He rubbed his eyes. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"No," Xander said, leaning back in his chair. "These murders aren't going to solve themselves."

"Yeah." Zerbrowski looked down at the photographs scattered across the desk. The colour-saturated images were almost a grotesque parody of bodies ripped apart. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Look at this shit and not go nuts?"

Xander shrugged. "Used to be, I'd deal with it until I was alone, then I'd puke my guts out in the bathroom, and go back to work. Someone had to stop the bad guys."

"And now?"

Smiling wryly, Xander reached for the photographs again. "See above response."

A commotion at the far end of the squad room made Xander and Zerbrowski look up. Anita Blake was arguing loudly with Sgt. Storr. Xander could only hear a few words, mostly "guns" and "fire," along with several choice swear words. He never failed to be surprised by Anita's creative destruction of the English language.

"So, are you coming along when we go after this thing?" Zerbrowski asked. "When we figure out where it is, I mean."

"You guys won't let me use an axe, so what good would that be?" Xander quipped, not really kidding. "I'm just the outside consultant, remember? All up with the demonology. Besides, if I go along, Anita might 'accidentally' shoot me."

Zerbrowski snorted. "You two really don't get along, do you?"

"No." Xander drained his coffee and tossed the cup into the garbage. "We're like oil and water... or something equally un-mixy. Maybe even explosive." He stood up. "And it's not like I even..."

His voice trailed off as he stared at one of the photographs. From this angle, there was something about the wounds...

"Venom," Xander said. "That's it! That's why the wound edges didn't bleed as much!"

"Toxicology didn't find any venom in the blood," Zerbrowski said, helping Xander to gather up the photographs.

"I know, but they weren't looking in the right place," Xander said. "Come on, we need to catch Anita before she leaves!"

As Xander and Zerbrowski raced across the room, Xander wondered if this meant he'd have to be nice to Anita Blake for a month. If they managed to stop this thing, he'd at least give it a try.

--fin

Comments

[houses7177.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Very Xander. I see him getting along smashingly with Zebrowski.

[(Anonymous)]

I burst out laughing at the last line...I don't know why really. I just struck a chord with my current sense of accomplishment.

(YES! I just finnished writing a new song! ALL RIGHT! Does this mean I have to be nice to my fish for a month? I suppose I can at least give it a try.)

E.A.V.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Yup, those two are definetly alike. Jokers til the end.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Being nice to your fish should be easy, right? Unless you have pirhanas or some such.

A new song? Very cool. What kind of song?

[child-labor.livejournal.com]

[(Anonymous)]

Querida Mhalachai,

Courtesy of my eldest brother, I have a swimming pool filled with a platoon of gold fish and two koi. I remeber going through all the trouble of fixing the pipes, caulking the cracks and scraping off scum to swim in the pool a grand total of one time per year; so the pool for the purpose of swimming was no loss. But I laugh at the fish when some of the neighborhood cats try to catch them, and I'm ashamed to admit that I sometimes forget to feed them in the hopes that they'll start eating some of the mosquito larvae.

(new-)classical(-type) piano. I also compose jazz, but the classical-types are more easily retained and recorded.

However, all my attempts to putting words to my music, including titles, are quite pathetic. How do you decide the titles to your stories? Like Inevitable, Mind the Gap and others, awesome titles all.

E.A.V.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Fish: Awesome. Cleaning the pool? Not so much.

As for my titles.... Let's see. I try and come up with something fun from the body of the story, that plays on the concept. With Mind the Gap, I was thinking that Dawn was taking a gap year, even though it was in the middle of her degree, and that played nicely with the "mind the gap" phrase they use in the Underground. Inevitable... I thought what I plan to do to Harry was pretty inevitable, and I've gotten some nifty puns out of it in the story.

Basically, it's just being punny. It's eaiser with words, I imagine, as I can play off what I've already written.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Xander always has the quips ready for any occasion, doesn't he?

[taligator.livejournal.com]

Very nice! I missed the first piece the first time around but read them both tonight. I like this Xander. He's not afraid to be himself but he's smart too. I really do enjoy BtVS/AB crossovers. Things like Hell's Handyman and Joli Couer really get me excited (the long crossovers).

Thanks!!

[sparrow015.livejournal.com]

Oh! I'm loving Xander as an internation expert!

And meanie RIPT people, not letting Xander bring his axe. XD

The thing I 'm curious about is, Xander is mostly a demonology expert I'm assuming with a very intense hands-on approach with vampires. From what I understand, demons are rarely seen at least not in this area (St. Louis), so I'm assuming demons gravitate towards Hellmouth areas and places that have been their homes for centuries. Is it because of what Willow did in activating Slayers all over the world that PTB are trying to restoring the balance by placing more hellmouths over the world or what?

Plus I would like to see more of this if possible. XD

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

*g* there's nothing like a well-written Xander fic, I gotta say. I'm glad you like both fics here :)

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

The way I figure it, "demonology" is a term that Xander uses, while Anita would use something like preternatual expert. Or, in other words, I'm trying to retrofit the story :)