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mhalachaiAt AO3
Summary: Natasha Romanoff tries to reconnect with her son. This is understandably easier said than done.
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Starts in 2002 and goes through the end of Stargate Atlantis; before the Avengers and Iron Man 2.
Characters: Natasha Romanoff, John Sheppard. Guest appearances by Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, various Stargate characters in later chapters.
Relationships: Background Natasha/Clint in later chapters.
Warnings: Family secrets. Truly epic levels of swearing.
Notes: This story runs concurrent John's life from his time in Afghanistan through the events of Stargate Atlantis. Most of the situations should be familiar to those who know Stargate; I will give better hints in notes to the relevant chapters. Major beta thanks to
websandwhiskers, who saved my life on this story more times than I can count. PS John Sheppard is totally a Captain American fan boy, shut up.Follows Widow's Weeds, Widow's Flight, Widow's Son.
July 30, 2002
John,
I wouldn't have had you involved in this, but I cannot deny that seeing you again after all these years was much welcome. You look very well and I hope that perhaps we might be able to write to each oth
Natasha broke off her typing. She couldn't do this, she had a mission to prepare for. She didn't have time to write to John.
Write to her son.
DELETE DRAFT
She turned back to Agent Barton's briefing notes (and so much was written down, she had forgotten how much was on paper in these departments, she'd spent ten years memorizing and burning everything as she went, this much paper made her nervous) and once again reviewed the mission. She was to provide back up to Barton's reconnaissance in Budapest.
It was a bad idea, Natasha wanted to tell Agents Barton and Coulson. Agent Barton's specialty was long-distance recon, and in Budapest everything was gritty and up-close and hidden in shadows, and she hadn't been in the city in at least five years. Very few people would recognize her, and even if they did, no one was left to kill her.
But that wasn't her role. She was to be back up only.
She knew her choices had been SHIELD or death. She would take the roles as assigned to her while she was here. Even if that role was ill-conceived. Almost as bad as bringing John Sheppard into SHIELD's purview.
Natasha closed her eyes. She could not think of her son at a time like this.
A knock on the door brought her sharply to attention. She hadn't heard footsteps in the hallway, and so far only one person had been able to sneak up on her in SHIELD headquarters. Arming herself with the only knife she had been permitted to keep, Natasha moved noiselessly toward the door.
"You in there?" Agent Barton asked, and knocked again. "You didn't sneak off and re-join the circus?"
Natasha opened the door, shifting the knife out of site. Agent Barton gave her a quick glance and pulled a face.
"I know some people say my briefing notes are shit, but really that bad?"
Natasha straightened her back. "Agent Barton."
"You look like someone just kicked your puppy--" he broke off, and something that might have been understanding crossed the man's face. "Never mind."
Natasha's stomach grew cold at his words. Was she giving so much of her emotions away? "Never mind what?" she demanded, holding herself motionless.
Agent Barton shrugged. "Just, you know."
"I would know what?"
"Family shit," Barton said. "You are going to write Junior or something before we head off? Because I'm sure he was pretty serious about coming after Coulson if he doesn't hear from you."
Natasha's scope of awareness expanded automatically, taking in the ambient noise and the visuals in the hall (two SHIELD agents around the corner talking about a sporting event; one coming down the stairs, holding something to put him off balance; someone speaking on her comm as she walked in the other direction). How could Agent Barton be so careless as to speak about John where others could hear?
His expression shifted from consoling to slightly alarmed. "Hey, I'm sorry I brought him up," Barton said.
Natasha blinked once, tried to pull herself back behind the mask of the Black Widow. "I do not wish to speak of Captain Sheppard," she said curtly.
"Okay," Barton agreed. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I guess we should go over the plan of attack. You want to grab some coffee?"
"You would not prefer to have this conversation somewhere more secure?" Natasha asked. Nothing about Agent Barton made any sense to her. How had someone like him ever become a SHIELD agent in the first place? This was the reason she had been running circles around SHIELD since before Barton was born.
He was younger than John, she realized.
"Come on," he urged, taking a step back. "We'll grab coffee and I'll show you this cool place I know. You can see people coming for miles."
A slight pressure in Natasha's head eased. Barton understood the need for keeping some things from the other agents.
"And you can tell me how stupid you think my plans are," he continued, letting some humor into his voice.
"I have not said anything--"
"Please, it's all over your face," Barton said. "Well, not all over, it's this twitch in the corner of your mouth, which is either that my plan sucks or I've got something in my teeth."
He waited for a beat, inviting a response, and for the first time in a very long time, Natasha wanted to respond for no other reason than that she could.
"There's nothing in your teeth."
Barton grinned, and Natasha gave him a faint smile in return.
Maybe SHIELD might not be the worst place to be, after all.
July 30, 2002
Captain Sheppard, thank you for your visit. Our friend appreciated the assistance.
I will be overseas for the foreseeable future for work. You can write if you wish; I will respond if I can.
Regards,
N.
Aug. 1, 2002
Hi. Can I call you Natasha? Anything else would be weird, but then all of this is weird so whatever.
And it's not like you're going to get this uncensored. Hi, Agent Coulson. I hope your suit is okay after the plane ride.
Afghanistan is hot and sandy. But I suspect you know that because, well, KGB or whatever and Russia and Afghanistan.
I'm up for promotion to Major this month so that's a thing.
Next time you write, tell me something so I know it's you and not your Agent buddy.
Have fun 'overseas'. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
js
Aug. 4, 2002
John,
You may call me Natasha. I have been going by the Anglicization of my surname; you can address any correspondence to Natasha Romanoff.
I have never been to Afghanistan, you are correct, but I am familiar with the Soviet actions in the country in the 1980s.
Agent Coulson does have access to my email but I am told he will only access the information in the event that actions necessitate. I am not familiar with Agent Coulson's definition of necessity, however.
I wish you the best with your promotion.
It would be best if you did not tell your father that I am alive. I would refer to Agent Coulson for any suggestions around the cover story.
For your third birthday, we were going to surprise you with a chocolate cake, but you snuck into the kitchen that morning and started to cry that we would make you eat dirt. I made you lemon cupcakes instead and you helped stir the icing.
Natasha
Aug. 5, 2002
Jesus fuck of course i'm not going to tell dad you're alive he fucking buried you and
Aug. 5, 2002
I didn't mean to hit send on that.
Sorry.
Made Major.
j
Aug. 11, 2002
Those were really good cupcakes.
They haven't changed their mind on the promotion, which is surprising.
Aug. 18, 2002
Are you okay? Agent Coulson, will you at least send me a postcard if she's not okay? Cause it'd be really shitty to pull the great maternal reappearing act to have to bury her again seriously what the fuck is wrong with you people?
Aug. 20, 2002
My apologies on my previous email, John. I did not mean... I do not know what I meant to say regarding your father. I will be fine. My first work trip with my new company was more complicated than it was meant to have been which is why I did not return your email.
I am returning to my previous location. I will live there for the next year.
Now that you have been promoted to Major, will you be reassigned?
Natasha
Aug. 25, 2002
Sorry I freaked out. Bad week. Civilians got hit, that shit isn't easy to deal with. It's like fucking Serbia again, only with more weaponry. I heard you were in the area when I was in Serbia back in the day, so you probably know what it was like with the civilians there. Weapons manufacturers keep making it easier for people to kill people.
So. Since we're obviously going to be internet pen pals for a while, we should talk about stuff. What's your favorite movie? Book? Music?
I like horror movies. Still into comic books, although the new Captain America series really sucks, how many times do they need to reboot that? Johnny Cash's new albums are really good.
Not sure about reassignment - shit's pretty heavy right now and no one else here can fly the machines we need in the storms. So I guess I stay.
Glad your "work trip" was okay. Welcome back. Have fun in... can I mention it? Or does that break about a hundred international security violations? Coulson, want to weigh in?
Have fun, anyways.
and thanks.
Major John Sheppard, Esq.
ps send cupcakes
end part one
I'll be updating once a day this week, so stay tuned :)
On tumblr if you want to watch me fangirl in pictorial form.