Sunday

[mhalachai]

today's been a bit of a surreal day. I had something come into my inbox on tumblr that's been needling me all day (i'm thinking of turning off anon, because honestly if you want to take issue with something I've said please at least do me the courtesy of saying it to my face) and I've been working on processing it. My parents called me last night at about 8pm saying 'hey do you want to go walk around Stanley Park tomorrow morning?' and I said no because a) didn't wanna and b) I had plans to write, and so I spent the whole day feeling guilty about that. And my writing today was crap so that makes me feel even worse. Why is describing human interaction so hard?

Tomorrow is back to work and I have a feeling that this week is going to be verging on a disaster, but I'll do what I can. I'm lucky in that I have a great boss and a good bunch of people and it makes it a bit easier when I know that everyone is working as hard as I am (something I haven't had in previous jobs so I'm doubly conscious of that).

So anyway. Here's to another week.

Comments

[recessional]

My parents called me last night at about 8pm saying 'hey do you want to go walk around Stanley Park tomorrow morning?' and I said no because a) didn't wanna and b) I had plans to write, and so I spent the whole day feeling guilty about that. And my writing today was crap so that makes me feel even worse. Why is describing human interaction so hard?

Driveby comment to say I feel you so hard on just about all of this. (That is the bowing out of family interaction in order to do writing/creative things and then that sucking.)

[mhalachai]

I think if I had more than four hours' notice I wouldn't have felt so bad, or I'd have been better able to plan my weekend. But yeah that's where things landed. And here I am.

[dragonlady7]

>something come into my inbox on tumblr that's been needling me all day
I haaaaate that. Ugh. That kind of thing, where someone has misunderstood you or taken exception to you for whatever reason, or-- oh. Ugh! You put yourself out there as a writer, and I think back on LJ there used to be a more robust culture of giving concrit and the like, so I got used to that kind of thing, but AO3 doesn't have that kind of culture because, of course, you put things up there with an expectation that they're finished, published, and so any major critical feedback is kind of just rude (along the lines of telling someone that the outfit they're wearing as they step through the door of their job interview just totally doesn't suit them). But people still feel entitled to complain about things that usually aren't even negotiable. Or don't make sense. I think I mentioned to you before how someone once flipped out on me for having a character use a word they felt was a slur that should never be used ever in any situation except in their comment to me; I'm still nettled at that. And in the midst of a huge epic story i put up that had a slash pairing right in the description I had a reader go off on me about homosexuality (which, WTF! but it turned out, that what she objected to wasn't Steve/Bucky, which was FINE, it was Steve/Sam, which was JUST NOT OKAY; I added it as a secondary pairing as the story developed, since it was a sprawling epic, and that was just a bridge too far-- like she was going to talk me out of it? The truly weird thing was that somehow she didn't mind Steve being gay with Bucky, but Sam just WASN'T GAY and that was TOO MUCH. And it wasn't even like she was objecting to me breaking up her OTP, because it wasn't breaking them up, it was nonsequential, I told you, sprawling epic. No, she just-- it was TOO GAY.) I don't know. I still am gunshy about that. I actually put another story on hiatus partly because a commenter reamed me out for having the wrong partner topping, how could I ever think X was a submissive, etc., when it wasn't even a BDSM story. Good lord. I just-- walked away. Which is a shame, but I couldn't keep writing; I'd been drifting out of the story a bit anyway, but that just pushed me off the edge and I can't finish it. Much to my sorrow.
Sorry, that was rambly, I've been out of town all weekend and got back late last night and cannot organize my thoughts at all. But my point is-- sympathy on that point. I just, I hate when someone decides they're entitled to something out of one of your stories, and your failure to conform to their expectations is just inexcusable. Like-- uh, I'm pretty sure the point of this story is that I'm telling it so it contains what I want it to? It's one thing if you've thoughtlessly or ignorantly included some element that you hadn't researched fully, or something-- that's mortifying but understandable if someone could gently correct you-- but Christ on a crutch, especially if I'm writing an AU I do not need your annotated footnotes on What Canon Says about the specific sex acts this non-canon-ship would engage in. If you don't like my story read someone else's! Yikes.

[mhalachai]

eeek, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't get why people are so adamantly inflexible about flexibility in sexuality. In fictional characters. Who are a blank slate. And fictional. ARG.

(as an aside, fandom's weird views on who "tops" confuses me sometimes - it's so not the reality of a lot of gay/bi men? Yeah some people are more set in their preferences but other tend to switch it up; if it's not a contradiction, this sort of mentality is trying to apply a certain level of heteronormality/strict het gender roles onto same-sex relationships. Like, please, stop)

and people's expectations of other people's writing is odd and sometimes unsettling. It's like, this is my imagination of the situation as I see it, and it doesn't really have anything to do with others. And yet when that pushback happens, it can hurt. I've been there and it sucks and it can just destroy one's creative energies.

i hope your weekend was okay (I saw your turkey/farm posts) and that this week goes good for you.

[waterfall8484]

I had the text message version of someone taking issue with me this weekend, and it's not fun at all. Especially because even when you think you're (mostly) in the right, it still nags and makes you feel sort of guilty.

We can have disaster weeks together, I have my oral exam on Monday or Tuesday and waaay too much studying to do this week. Plus I'm busy almost every evening and probably working all weekend too. /whine Having good people around always helps when things are crappy though. Good luck with your week!

[mhalachai]

boo! that's the hard part, when you know you're right and still you have that nagging feeling in the back of your head, could you explain yourself better or justify yourself in a different way. Not fun :(

good luck with your oral exam and with studying. I'm in the middle of an 11-hour workday as scandal continues to rock my workplace. I didn't cause any of it but we're working to provide support and resources. (intentionally vague as I try to keep my work/real life separate from this alias)

*sends flowers* good luck!!

[waterfall8484]

*sends flowers back* Thanks, and to you too! Sounds like you need it just as much.

[snippy]

You deserve to feel better and people who give out passive-aggressive negativity deserve to learn better (maybe through hard personal lessons).

Describing human interaction is hard because it doesn't all happen in words, and having it in the first place is hard. You do it extremely well, and it doesn't surprise me at all that it is difficult even for someone as good at it as you.

[mhalachai]

like I think understand where they got the idea they did, but the level of nitpicking makes it easier to just avoid interacting on all social mediums. the downside of tumblr. and anon.

thank you very much for your kind words :)