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mhalachaiAnother Nathaniel/Anita ficlette for the Ficlette Fiasco II. (master list found here)
Title: Addiction
Characters: Nathaniel, Anita
Disclaimer: All Anita Blake characters belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I am only borrowing them for a short while and am receiving nothing.
Rating: Bordering on R for language, sexual imagery.
Author's Note: I'm not sure who this was for. Me, I think, to feed my addiction to Nathaniel. Incubus Dreams spoilers.
~~*~~
Nathaniel knew addiction. He knew what it was so crave something so badly, he'd crawl though broken glass to get it, do anything to gain even a moment of that blessed relief.
It used to be heroin. He'd used other drugs, whatever was in vogue on the street, but heroin was his addiction, from the first time the needle slid under his skin. It made the noise in his head stop for the first time in years, stopped Nicky's screams, stopped the tearing wolves in his empty stomach, just made it... stop.
It had been harder and harder over the years to make it all stop. Sometimes, he could make it hurt enough that the pain stopped the noise, filling up his head to the brim with pain, that the noise went away. But it almost never lasted, because if it had, he would have died.
That's when Gabriel found him, made him more, and yet less than he was. The heroin didn't work anymore, but the pain took its place. Nathaniel could take more pain, so much more, and Gabriel found him people who would give him that pain. Nathaniel had found someone who'd given him what he needed, to feed his new addiction.
But it didn't last. Gabriel didn't know what to do with him, what Nathaniel needed. Eventually, Nathaniel realized that Gabriel was using him, but it didn't matter. He was too far down the rabbit hole to even think about saving himself.
Then... Anita.
Looking back, Nathaniel knew that she saved him. That one day, Gabriel would have gone too far. Anita took him away from the people who were using him, and dangled a promise in front of him. She would be his, if only he was worthy.
He tried to do everything she wanted, but it wasn't what she wanted at all. He'd wormed his way into her house, but still she wouldn't touch him, wouldn't hurt him. It was okay. It was a test, Nathaniel knew, for him to prove to her that he was hers, and only hers. He cleaned her house, ran errands for her, fell asleep at night with her so nearby, but a distance between them, as he dreamed of her holding him down, hurting him, owning him.
The first night the arduer came to her, when she held him down, sank her teeth into the meat of his body, it was what he'd been dreaming about. As he felt her press her body against his, her hot breath, the wet flick of her tongue on his skin as her teeth broke his skin, everything in his head stopped. He lived for her. He was hers.
But it didn't last. She pulled back, so scared of letting him in. Did she know that she could have him, mind, body and soul? She fed the ardeur off of him, but she didn't allow him release. She always came off his energy, filling her up, but leaving him cold. Was it another test? She let him into her life more, let him cook and do the laundry and everything to make her life a little easier, in all ways but the ones that mattered the most.
When Anita's beast had risen that day in her office, Nathaniel didn't know what to do at first. She was his protector, his strength. Did he dare do something she didn't ask of him? She might have hurt those people, and even if Nathaniel wanted to rip them apart for hurting Anita, some part of him knew that she would be unhappy. So he turned the mindless anger of her beast into something he could understand. He turned it into sex, held Anita down as he fucked her, his beast mating with hers, using every trick he'd learned over ten years of fucking for money to keep her from turning on him and hurting someone irreversibly.
She came to him that night, nothing driving her but her own desires. She almost faltered, and he wouldn't have stopped her, but when she touched him, when she kissed him, let him slide inside her body, this time for real, for keeps, everything in his head stopped. Everything he was, had ever been, was hers. He watched her underneath him, taking him inside her. But it wasn't until she sank her teeth into his shoulder, tore open his skin with her nails, that all the noise went away. All he was became sensation and pleasure and pain and knowing that his life was in someone else's hands.
It was like that now, too. Nathaniel breathed softly, not wanting to wake her with so much as a sigh. She'd let him fuck her for hours, then bit into his neck, screaming her release into the rush of his blood. She slept now, exhausted.
It was quiet. His neck hurt, his muscles ached from holding back his own release for so long, but it had been worth it, for the memories of Anita squeezing him so tight in her body, of that look on her face, the way her body reacted to his. Now, though, the memories were distant, and all that mattered was her sleeping body next to his.
He'd do anything for her. Say what she wanted, fuck how she wanted, die how she wanted. She was everything. Nathaniel would never tell her, but he'd found his new addiction.
Title: Addiction
Characters: Nathaniel, Anita
Disclaimer: All Anita Blake characters belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I am only borrowing them for a short while and am receiving nothing.
Rating: Bordering on R for language, sexual imagery.
Author's Note: I'm not sure who this was for. Me, I think, to feed my addiction to Nathaniel. Incubus Dreams spoilers.
Nathaniel knew addiction. He knew what it was so crave something so badly, he'd crawl though broken glass to get it, do anything to gain even a moment of that blessed relief.
It used to be heroin. He'd used other drugs, whatever was in vogue on the street, but heroin was his addiction, from the first time the needle slid under his skin. It made the noise in his head stop for the first time in years, stopped Nicky's screams, stopped the tearing wolves in his empty stomach, just made it... stop.
It had been harder and harder over the years to make it all stop. Sometimes, he could make it hurt enough that the pain stopped the noise, filling up his head to the brim with pain, that the noise went away. But it almost never lasted, because if it had, he would have died.
That's when Gabriel found him, made him more, and yet less than he was. The heroin didn't work anymore, but the pain took its place. Nathaniel could take more pain, so much more, and Gabriel found him people who would give him that pain. Nathaniel had found someone who'd given him what he needed, to feed his new addiction.
But it didn't last. Gabriel didn't know what to do with him, what Nathaniel needed. Eventually, Nathaniel realized that Gabriel was using him, but it didn't matter. He was too far down the rabbit hole to even think about saving himself.
Then... Anita.
Looking back, Nathaniel knew that she saved him. That one day, Gabriel would have gone too far. Anita took him away from the people who were using him, and dangled a promise in front of him. She would be his, if only he was worthy.
He tried to do everything she wanted, but it wasn't what she wanted at all. He'd wormed his way into her house, but still she wouldn't touch him, wouldn't hurt him. It was okay. It was a test, Nathaniel knew, for him to prove to her that he was hers, and only hers. He cleaned her house, ran errands for her, fell asleep at night with her so nearby, but a distance between them, as he dreamed of her holding him down, hurting him, owning him.
The first night the arduer came to her, when she held him down, sank her teeth into the meat of his body, it was what he'd been dreaming about. As he felt her press her body against his, her hot breath, the wet flick of her tongue on his skin as her teeth broke his skin, everything in his head stopped. He lived for her. He was hers.
But it didn't last. She pulled back, so scared of letting him in. Did she know that she could have him, mind, body and soul? She fed the ardeur off of him, but she didn't allow him release. She always came off his energy, filling her up, but leaving him cold. Was it another test? She let him into her life more, let him cook and do the laundry and everything to make her life a little easier, in all ways but the ones that mattered the most.
When Anita's beast had risen that day in her office, Nathaniel didn't know what to do at first. She was his protector, his strength. Did he dare do something she didn't ask of him? She might have hurt those people, and even if Nathaniel wanted to rip them apart for hurting Anita, some part of him knew that she would be unhappy. So he turned the mindless anger of her beast into something he could understand. He turned it into sex, held Anita down as he fucked her, his beast mating with hers, using every trick he'd learned over ten years of fucking for money to keep her from turning on him and hurting someone irreversibly.
She came to him that night, nothing driving her but her own desires. She almost faltered, and he wouldn't have stopped her, but when she touched him, when she kissed him, let him slide inside her body, this time for real, for keeps, everything in his head stopped. Everything he was, had ever been, was hers. He watched her underneath him, taking him inside her. But it wasn't until she sank her teeth into his shoulder, tore open his skin with her nails, that all the noise went away. All he was became sensation and pleasure and pain and knowing that his life was in someone else's hands.
It was like that now, too. Nathaniel breathed softly, not wanting to wake her with so much as a sigh. She'd let him fuck her for hours, then bit into his neck, screaming her release into the rush of his blood. She slept now, exhausted.
It was quiet. His neck hurt, his muscles ached from holding back his own release for so long, but it had been worth it, for the memories of Anita squeezing him so tight in her body, of that look on her face, the way her body reacted to his. Now, though, the memories were distant, and all that mattered was her sleeping body next to his.
He'd do anything for her. Say what she wanted, fuck how she wanted, die how she wanted. She was everything. Nathaniel would never tell her, but he'd found his new addiction.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 06:04 am (UTC)In other words, very insightful little ficlet. Well-done.
-Sonya
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Date: 2005-09-11 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 08:53 am (UTC)I wonder if the Nathaniel who thought this realizes that it's love?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 12:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 04:22 pm (UTC)I think that this character study could be better if you included Nathaniel's thoughts on dating other people, going to the D/s clubs, the changes in the pard due to Anita's prescence, the influence of other people (like jason, mica, etc.) on how Nathaniel approaches Anita. Perhaps the slow metamorphosis of Nathaniel shows more later in the books, but it is beginning to show by the point when you wrote this chapter. Perhaps I'm wrong about this as I so often am.
OTHERWISE, this is beautifully, evocatively, wonderfully, horrifically written. It's times like these, I wonder and yet still understand why LKH put her books in Horror. Amazing, simply Mhalachai.
Bessos,
E.A.V.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 04:38 pm (UTC)He only really started to get dominant after the forming of the second triumverate, which was the day before the sexcapades happened, IIRC. He gained some of Anita's dominance. We'll see if that carries into the next book.
Thanks for commenting :)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 02:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 01:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 10:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 02:09 pm (UTC)