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mhalachaiAn Anita/Nathaniel ficlette for the Ficlette Fiasco II. (master list found here)
Title: Kaleidoscope
Characters: Anita, Nathaiel
Disclaimer: All Anita Blake characters belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I am only borrowing them for a short while and am receiving nothing.
Author's Note: For E.A.V. The prompt was Nathaniel, a kalidescope and a city fair.
~~*~~
"So what are you going to do this week?" Anita asked lazily. Her voice had that low, contended purr it got after lots of sex. Nathaniel loved that sound.
He curled up next to her naked body, one arm over her small waist, resting his head on her shoulder. Tracing his fingers up over her breast, he said, "I think I'll do this all week."
Anita laughed. "We can't stay in bed all week."
"Why not?" Nathaniel asked, lifting up his head to her and sticking out his lower lip in a pout.
"We'll starve."
Nathaniel smiled. "We can call for takeout."
Anita stared at him for a moment, then raised her head up and caught his lip in her teeth. Nathaniel gasped as her teeth sank into his flesh, holding just a little too tight, just this side of pain. It was so fucking amazing.
Too soon, Anita released his lip and sank back onto the bed. She stared up at him, all wide eyes, while he tried to catch his breath.
It was perfect. Her, naked under him. Him, still wet from her body, his lip aching from her teeth. It should always be like this.
She smiled softly, and pulled him back down into her arms. Nathaniel went more than willingly. He felt safe in her arms, safer than he'd ever been.
After a minutes, Anita said quietly, "Really, what are you going to do this week?"
Nathaniel sighed, tracing patterns on her skin "I'm only working four nights. I thought maybe Jason and I could go to a movie on one of the other nights."
"Sounds nice."
"Yeah." He tried to work up the courage to ask the next question, even though he knew she would probably say no. She had so much to do, with the zombies and with all the other men in her life--
"What is it?" she murmured, voice suddenly soft.
Nathaniel propped himself up on his elbow. "I just... Do you want to go to the movie with us?"
"What, like a date?" The words came out of Anita's mouth before she had a chance to think, and she got that look on her face, like she'd said too much.
"If you want," Nathaniel said, determined to make the offer. "Or it could just be a movie."
"I don't know," Anita said. She pushed the auburn hair back from his face. "I don't like a lot of movies these days." Her face softened, became almost shy. "We could do something else. A real date."
Nathaniel didn't know what to say. He didn't know anything about going on a real date. "We could go out for dinner," he suggested tentatively. Jean-Claude had taken Anita out for dinner several times, as a date, right?
Anita sat up, pulling the sheet around her shoulders. "I'd rather do something during the day," she said. "Oh! There's a fair in the next county. We could go and look at the animals and eat cotton candy..."
Her voice trailed off. Nathaniel had gone stiff, all pleasant feelings kicked out of his head by memories. He tried to smile, but it must have looked as false as it felt.
"What is it?" Anita asked.
She couldn't know, Nathaniel reasoned, as he sat up. Normally, he was fine with being naked, but now he pulled the blanket over his lap. "It's nothing."
Carefully, Anita placed her hand on his knee. "Did I say something wrong?"
Nathaniel shook his head, his hair getting in his eyes, but he didn't care. It was safe like this, hair shielding him from the world.
"Nathaniel, please. Don't shut me out."
He took a deep breath. She thought she wanted to hear what had made him so upset. She was wrong, but he knew her. She wouldn't give up until she got the story out of him.
"Please tell me," Anita said, cupping his face in her hands.
Nathaniel looked up. She thought that any problem could be fixed by facing it head-on. Their lives were so different like that.
"It's just a stupid thing, really," he said, trying to deflect her.
It didn't work. "I want to know," Anita said.
Nathaniel picked at tiny balls of fuzz on the blanket, unable to look at Anita. "I just had a bad experience at a county fair when I was a kid, is all."
"How bad?"
"Not bad, bad. I just saw someone and it led to more bad stuff."
Anita nudged closer to him on the bed, until their knees were touching. "How bad?"
Nathaniel's fingers stilled. No matter what he'd told her, Anita always supported him, no matter how horrible it had been. "When I was a kid, about eleven, I managed to scrape together enough money to go to the fair." He smiled slightly. He'd been so happy, being out in the day with normal people, where no one knew what he did at night to get enough money to eat. "I did one of those throwing games, right? Hit the pins off the stand, get a prize? It took me almost all the money I had, but I won a kaleidoscope. It was a cheap thing, but I kept that for years."
He could still remembered everything about that childhood toy. It was tiny, made in cheap yellow plastic, and he'd sometimes spent hours staring into it, high on heroin or ecstasy or whatever drug he could sell his body for.
"Sounds like fun," Anita said evenly.
"It was." Nathaniel swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Until I was at the petting zoo, watching the animals, and saw a john of mine." Nathaniel heard a tearing sound, and looking down, realized he'd ripped the blanket. "He was there with his family. He had a son about my age."
Anita put her hands over his and gripped tightly. "How old were you?"
"Eleven."
He heard her breathe in sharply, knew it always hit her when she was reminded he'd been nothing but a worthless little whore when he'd been a kid. But he wasn't ashamed, didn't have to be. It was his life, and it's the way things were. Sometimes, thought, remembering that fucking hurt.
"That wasn't it, though." Nathaniel picked up one of Anita's hands in both of his, marvelling at her soft skin and how he was allowed to touch her so intimately. She was so far removed from his former life, it was sometimes hard to figure. "He came around, a week later, looking for me. He was... he was angry."
It was still hard to remember that night, and not just because of the pain. That was the first time Nathaniel ended up in the hospital, from that night. All because the john had been mad his family had seen his dirty little secret, even though not a one knew anything about it.
Anita pressed up against him, her arms going around him. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"It wasn't your fault," Nathaniel said. "Wasn't anyone's fault but his." That still didn't take away the memory of searing pain, of knowing nothing on earth could save him that night.
"Doesn't matter." Anita squeezed him even tighter.
Nathaniel buried his face in the crook of her shoulder. Anita started humming tunelessly, like a purr, and it comforted him. He should be looking at what he had now. A safe home, Anita who would protect him, and Micah too. A home, a happy pard, a well-paying job. He didn't exist to serve the whims of perverts and sadists anymore.
After a while, Nathaniel laid back down, and Anita curled up around him, a living shield between him and the rest of the world. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked, petting his hair.
He shook his head. "Maybe we should go to the fair."
"Are you sure?"
Nathaniel nodded, staring up at the ceiling. "I mean, it might be more boring when I'm twenty-one, not eleven, but it might be nice, to go. With you."
Anita kissed his cheek. "You're braver than I am, sometimes."
"What do you mean?" She was wrong. She was a million times braver than him, standing up for what was right, not just doing what would save her skin.
"I mean that you don't try and forget the bad stuff," Anita said softly, her breath tickling his cheek. "You keep moving forward."
Nathaniel didn't think that was brave, but what could he say? He let Anita keep touching his hair until the noise in his head slowed down. He thought he should say something, but the words wouldn't form in his head, so he just lay there, sheltered in the dark by Anita's arms and Anita's love.
--fin
Title: Kaleidoscope
Characters: Anita, Nathaiel
Disclaimer: All Anita Blake characters belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I am only borrowing them for a short while and am receiving nothing.
Author's Note: For E.A.V. The prompt was Nathaniel, a kalidescope and a city fair.
"So what are you going to do this week?" Anita asked lazily. Her voice had that low, contended purr it got after lots of sex. Nathaniel loved that sound.
He curled up next to her naked body, one arm over her small waist, resting his head on her shoulder. Tracing his fingers up over her breast, he said, "I think I'll do this all week."
Anita laughed. "We can't stay in bed all week."
"Why not?" Nathaniel asked, lifting up his head to her and sticking out his lower lip in a pout.
"We'll starve."
Nathaniel smiled. "We can call for takeout."
Anita stared at him for a moment, then raised her head up and caught his lip in her teeth. Nathaniel gasped as her teeth sank into his flesh, holding just a little too tight, just this side of pain. It was so fucking amazing.
Too soon, Anita released his lip and sank back onto the bed. She stared up at him, all wide eyes, while he tried to catch his breath.
It was perfect. Her, naked under him. Him, still wet from her body, his lip aching from her teeth. It should always be like this.
She smiled softly, and pulled him back down into her arms. Nathaniel went more than willingly. He felt safe in her arms, safer than he'd ever been.
After a minutes, Anita said quietly, "Really, what are you going to do this week?"
Nathaniel sighed, tracing patterns on her skin "I'm only working four nights. I thought maybe Jason and I could go to a movie on one of the other nights."
"Sounds nice."
"Yeah." He tried to work up the courage to ask the next question, even though he knew she would probably say no. She had so much to do, with the zombies and with all the other men in her life--
"What is it?" she murmured, voice suddenly soft.
Nathaniel propped himself up on his elbow. "I just... Do you want to go to the movie with us?"
"What, like a date?" The words came out of Anita's mouth before she had a chance to think, and she got that look on her face, like she'd said too much.
"If you want," Nathaniel said, determined to make the offer. "Or it could just be a movie."
"I don't know," Anita said. She pushed the auburn hair back from his face. "I don't like a lot of movies these days." Her face softened, became almost shy. "We could do something else. A real date."
Nathaniel didn't know what to say. He didn't know anything about going on a real date. "We could go out for dinner," he suggested tentatively. Jean-Claude had taken Anita out for dinner several times, as a date, right?
Anita sat up, pulling the sheet around her shoulders. "I'd rather do something during the day," she said. "Oh! There's a fair in the next county. We could go and look at the animals and eat cotton candy..."
Her voice trailed off. Nathaniel had gone stiff, all pleasant feelings kicked out of his head by memories. He tried to smile, but it must have looked as false as it felt.
"What is it?" Anita asked.
She couldn't know, Nathaniel reasoned, as he sat up. Normally, he was fine with being naked, but now he pulled the blanket over his lap. "It's nothing."
Carefully, Anita placed her hand on his knee. "Did I say something wrong?"
Nathaniel shook his head, his hair getting in his eyes, but he didn't care. It was safe like this, hair shielding him from the world.
"Nathaniel, please. Don't shut me out."
He took a deep breath. She thought she wanted to hear what had made him so upset. She was wrong, but he knew her. She wouldn't give up until she got the story out of him.
"Please tell me," Anita said, cupping his face in her hands.
Nathaniel looked up. She thought that any problem could be fixed by facing it head-on. Their lives were so different like that.
"It's just a stupid thing, really," he said, trying to deflect her.
It didn't work. "I want to know," Anita said.
Nathaniel picked at tiny balls of fuzz on the blanket, unable to look at Anita. "I just had a bad experience at a county fair when I was a kid, is all."
"How bad?"
"Not bad, bad. I just saw someone and it led to more bad stuff."
Anita nudged closer to him on the bed, until their knees were touching. "How bad?"
Nathaniel's fingers stilled. No matter what he'd told her, Anita always supported him, no matter how horrible it had been. "When I was a kid, about eleven, I managed to scrape together enough money to go to the fair." He smiled slightly. He'd been so happy, being out in the day with normal people, where no one knew what he did at night to get enough money to eat. "I did one of those throwing games, right? Hit the pins off the stand, get a prize? It took me almost all the money I had, but I won a kaleidoscope. It was a cheap thing, but I kept that for years."
He could still remembered everything about that childhood toy. It was tiny, made in cheap yellow plastic, and he'd sometimes spent hours staring into it, high on heroin or ecstasy or whatever drug he could sell his body for.
"Sounds like fun," Anita said evenly.
"It was." Nathaniel swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Until I was at the petting zoo, watching the animals, and saw a john of mine." Nathaniel heard a tearing sound, and looking down, realized he'd ripped the blanket. "He was there with his family. He had a son about my age."
Anita put her hands over his and gripped tightly. "How old were you?"
"Eleven."
He heard her breathe in sharply, knew it always hit her when she was reminded he'd been nothing but a worthless little whore when he'd been a kid. But he wasn't ashamed, didn't have to be. It was his life, and it's the way things were. Sometimes, thought, remembering that fucking hurt.
"That wasn't it, though." Nathaniel picked up one of Anita's hands in both of his, marvelling at her soft skin and how he was allowed to touch her so intimately. She was so far removed from his former life, it was sometimes hard to figure. "He came around, a week later, looking for me. He was... he was angry."
It was still hard to remember that night, and not just because of the pain. That was the first time Nathaniel ended up in the hospital, from that night. All because the john had been mad his family had seen his dirty little secret, even though not a one knew anything about it.
Anita pressed up against him, her arms going around him. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"It wasn't your fault," Nathaniel said. "Wasn't anyone's fault but his." That still didn't take away the memory of searing pain, of knowing nothing on earth could save him that night.
"Doesn't matter." Anita squeezed him even tighter.
Nathaniel buried his face in the crook of her shoulder. Anita started humming tunelessly, like a purr, and it comforted him. He should be looking at what he had now. A safe home, Anita who would protect him, and Micah too. A home, a happy pard, a well-paying job. He didn't exist to serve the whims of perverts and sadists anymore.
After a while, Nathaniel laid back down, and Anita curled up around him, a living shield between him and the rest of the world. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked, petting his hair.
He shook his head. "Maybe we should go to the fair."
"Are you sure?"
Nathaniel nodded, staring up at the ceiling. "I mean, it might be more boring when I'm twenty-one, not eleven, but it might be nice, to go. With you."
Anita kissed his cheek. "You're braver than I am, sometimes."
"What do you mean?" She was wrong. She was a million times braver than him, standing up for what was right, not just doing what would save her skin.
"I mean that you don't try and forget the bad stuff," Anita said softly, her breath tickling his cheek. "You keep moving forward."
Nathaniel didn't think that was brave, but what could he say? He let Anita keep touching his hair until the noise in his head slowed down. He thought he should say something, but the words wouldn't form in his head, so he just lay there, sheltered in the dark by Anita's arms and Anita's love.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 03:29 am (UTC)I obviously need more happy icons, for fic responses!
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Date: 2005-09-07 04:14 am (UTC)You should use this icon, it's the feelgood music for every season.
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Date: 2005-09-07 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 03:41 am (UTC)-Sonya
no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 04:18 am (UTC)Thanks very much for the compliment.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 04:20 am (UTC)So sweet - Anita and Nathaniel thinking about going on a date.
So sad - the memory of Nathaniel's last visit to the county fair.
I love the casual intimacy between them. It took them such a long time to get to that point.
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Date: 2005-09-07 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 02:04 pm (UTC)Hope you have a good day.
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Date: 2005-09-07 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 09:42 pm (UTC)This is beautiful, and not what I'd been semi-expecting at all. Here I was thinking that you'd write something fluffy and cute, but instead this story is raw and sensual and painful and deep. It's amazing.
I'd like to know what inspired you to write this from my request. It's such a jump into the world of the characters that I almost can't see the connection between what you've written and my prompt, so dark and painful yet with possibility for acceptance and guilt-free days in the future.
I love it. I absolutely love it. You writing is simply amazing. You words are 'simply irresistible.' You just draw us in and get us hooked. You're definately in the right carreer if you're a journalist. Is there anything more I can say?
This story is Mhalachai!
Bessos y Abrazos,
E.A.V.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 03:56 pm (UTC)I always associate fairs and kalidescopes with childhood, and we know (after ID) how horrible Nate's was. My Anita is gradually coming to grips with that, and Nate's finally able to look at the past in a way that allows him to see the injustices done to him, from a safe space: In Anita's life.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Such positive feedback only fuels my muse :)
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Date: 2005-09-08 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 04:09 am (UTC)Just, wow!
♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 04:32 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked it :)
LJ community icons100 (Profiler: General TV)
Date: 2005-09-09 04:32 pm (UTC)I wanted to make sure that you were aware that the subject that you hold, "Profiler: General TV" has gone past its 10-week deadline (from June 22 until August 31). I noticed that you have posted new icons on August 22, and that you have 36 icons left to go.
Do you still want to make icons for this topic (in which case, you'll need to request an extension at the subject claims list (link listed below))? Please let me know, regardless of the answer, so I'll know whether or not to remove your claim from the subject claims list ( http://www.livejournal.com/community/icons100/233367.html ). If I don't hear back from you by September 13, 2005, I'll assume you're no longer interested and remove you from that claim.
If you have any questions, please let me know. Thank you.
Re: LJ community icons100 (Profiler: General TV)
Date: 2005-09-09 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 12:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 01:22 am (UTC)