Dawning Light 11: Christmas Is The Longest Day, Part I (AB/BtVS) PG

[mhalachai]

Oh my god. The longest chapter I have EVER WRITTEN.

Dawning Light
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Anita Blake crossover
Chapter Eleven: Christmas Is The Longest Day, Part I
by Mhalachai

Summary: Dawn fell from Glory's tower and into the portal. Now she's all alone and scared... but sometimes family comes from the strangest places.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Anita Blake belongs to Laurell K. Hamilton. No profit has been made from this fic, and the only benefit to me is personal satisfaction and the creative process. I hope you enjoy.
Rating: PG
Words: 14,345. Longest chapter yet. Or ever.
Spoilers: So post-Danse Macabre it hurts.
Thanks: More thanks than I can possibly express to cissasghost for her help in reigning me on in this chapter. A better beta could not exist.
Note: A response to the Mommy Anita challenge on TTH. This chapter references several items in the story's missing scenes (located here if you want to read them>) but things are fully explained in the text.

This is it, the Christmas chapter. In which things go straight to hell in a nice little hand basket. In this chapter, we really hit on those issues that popped up in my reading of Danse Macabre, that I initially started this story to address. PS: This story is almost a year old. PPS: ON TTH, this is my second-most popular story by recs, and third-most popular by reviews (the second place is Mind the Gap, and Inevitable is of course first in the hearts and minds of a nation).

~~~~~

"Christmas is tomorrow, Christmas is tomorrow," Dawn sang under her breath as she climbed into bed. Anita helped Dawn pull up the covers before setting Sigmund next to Dawn. "Anita, are you excited about Christmas?"

"Not nearly as excited as you are," Anita said with a smile.

"This is a fun time of year," Dawn sat back against her pillows. "Are you okay? You seem kind of gloomy. What's the bad?"

Anita sighed. "There's nothing bad about it, Dawn. Christmas has always been a weird time of year for me."

"Because of your mom?" Dawn guessed.

The expression on Anita's face made Dawn wish she'd kept her mouth shut. Dawn pulled Sigmund over and wrapped her arms around the stuffed penguin, not looking at Anita.

"I keep forgetting you can do that," Anita murmured. She sat on the edge of the bed and put her elbows on her knees. "Dawn..." She sighed. "I lived alone for a long time. But you know what?" Dawn shook her head. Anita smiled. "I like this better. I like this a lot better, and I know I don't say it a lot, but it's true."

Hesitantly, Dawn smiled back. "Good." She took a deep breath and shook off the growing tension in her head. "Can you tell me what you got me for Christmas?"

"Dawn."

"I mean, at least some of those boxes are for me, right?" Dawn asked, eyes wide. "Maybe two? Or three?"

"You know very well that most of that huge pile downstairs is for you," Anita told her. "And I'm not going to tell you anything more. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

Dawn let out a theatrical sigh. "Fine, be that way." She snuggled down under the blankets. "Anita?"

"Yes?" Anita tucked the covers around Dawn tightly, the same way she had done every night for the last few weeks. It made Dawn feel safe. It was starting to feel like home.

"Do you think Nathaniel will like my present?"

Anita frowned. "What are you talking about? Of course he will."

Dawn picked at a fraying thread of Sigmund's flipper. "He won't think it's stupid?"

"Of course not. Dawn, it's a great gift and coming from you, it's going to mean a lot to Nathaniel." Anita leaned over and kissed Dawn's forehead. "We're all looking forward to tomorrow. It's going to be a great day."

"It's just, Nathaniel never had good Christmases before and he's been doing so much with decorations and dinner and gifts and everything," Dawn whispered.

"I know." Anita had a very serious look on her face, and Dawn knew that whatever Anita was thinking wasn't really aimed at her, but it still made her nervous. "Dawn, can I ask you something?"

Dawn nodded, feeling Sigmund's soft fur against her cheek. In spite of all the excitement, she was beginning to feel a little sleepy.

"You remember Richard, right?" Not waiting for a response, Anita hurried on. "His mother called today."

Dawn narrowed her eyes. "Why did your ex-fiancée's mother call you the day before Christmas?" she demanded.

"Because Richard told her about you," Anita said reluctantly.

"About me?"

"Yes, you." Anita sat up straight, looking for all the world as if she was facing a firing squad instead of a tired kid armed with a stuffed sea bird. "Richard told his family that you were staying with me, and his mother wanted to invite you over to their house tomorrow afternoon before dinner."

Dawn stared.

"It's going to be a big family event, with lots of crafts and games and Christmas carols, and Charlotte said there would be a bunch of kids your age there." Anita ran her hand over the coverlet, not quite looking at Dawn. "This might be a good idea, a chance to have you meet new people, maybe make some friends with kids your age. It won't be for long, maybe an hour?"

Dawn wanted to say, because that worked so well with the Zerbrowski kids,, but she knew Anita was still disturbed about how badly things had gone with Kyle Zerbrowski.

"Why would she want me to come over?" Dawn asked in a quiet voice. "She doesn't even know me, and unless there's something you're not telling me about Richard, you're not dating him anymore."

"No, I'm not dating Richard," Anita said faintly.

Dawn looked at Sigmund. "What about our own Christmas dinner? Nathaniel's got enough food to feed a tape-wormy army."

Anita winced. "One of these days, we need to have a talk about your use of metaphor," she said. "I talked to Nathaniel and he had planned to have dinner in the evening, so we could go over to Charlotte's in the afternoon."

Dawn wasn't sure what to think. Anita seemed very intent on having Dawn meet the new children, even if it meant going to Richard's mom's house. Dawn wasn't sure... but Anita was so earnest about it, Dawn decided that she'd say yes.

"And you'd come with me?" Dawn clarified.

"What?" Now Anita looked confused. "Of course I'll come with you, I'm not going to abandon you in some stranger's house for an hour."

At least not until the next full moon, Dawn thought unhappily, but she let it go. "So Nathaniel's okay with it?"

"Yes."

"And Micah?"

The momentary hesitation in Anita's response was noticeable. "Yes, he's fine with it too."

Dawn sat up and edged closer to Anita, leaning against the woman's side. She wasn't sure she wanted to go over to this stranger's house, but Anita seemed to want her to. Besides, if Anita was there with her, how bad could it be? "It sounds like it might be okay," Dawn said slowly. "Do we need to bring Charlotte a present?"

"You let me worry about that," Anita said, gently pushing Dawn back onto the bed. "All you need to do is to get some sleep and wait for tomorrow to come."

"Come on, how often could you sleep on the night before Christmas?" Dawn grumbled.

"How can you not be exhausted? You spent the morning running around the grocery store with Nathaniel and all afternoon bouncing off the walls. I was afraid we'd have to hide the breakables."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "It's part of the delightful contradiction that is me." She held Sigmund out to Anita. "Sigmund needs a good-night kiss."

Anita obliged by giving the stuffed bird a peck on the beak. "Do you want a story to help you fall asleep?"

"A story sounds good," Dawn said, trying to blink off the gathering drowsiness. She loved Anita's stories. "Tell me one about the wolves that are going to eat the sun and the moon."

"Skoll and Hati?" Anita pulled her leg up onto the bed, tucking her knee under her chin. "You have an odd taste in bedtime stories."

Dawn couldn't hold back a wide yawn. "Some times I think I know how they feel," she whispered.

"Okay, I'll tell you the story." Anita paused for a moment. "Once upon a time, before the world began, Fenrir the wolf, had two sons, and every day those sons chase the horses that drag the sun--"

"The horses drag the chariot that pulls the sun," Dawn corrected drowsily. "You're telling it wrong."

"Sorry," Anita said with a faint smile. "Skoll chases the horses that pull the sun, while Hati chases the moon..."

~~~

When Dawn opened her eyes, it was dark. Flinging back the covers, Dawn jumped out of bed and ran over to the window. Between the curtains, Dawn saw the faint glow of the sunrise peeking over the treetops.

Christmas morning!

Dawn tore out of her room, trying to be quiet as possible as she pounded down the stairs. The house was dark except for a faint warm glow from the living room. Dawn peered around the doorway, and had to clap her hands over her mouth to keep from squealing like a little girl.

The lights on the Christmas tree were lit and shining, illuminating a huge mound of presents. The pile had grown overnight, spilling out from under the tree over the floor and along the walls. Everything looked so bright and shiny and happy, sitting quietly in the light from the tree, that Dawn couldn't do anything but stare.

Mom would have really liked this Christmas tree, Dawn decided. This was the first Christmas Dawn would have without Mom, and without Buffy. Technically, it was only Dawn's second Christmas ever, but she could remember the fake Christmases, with the memories of presents and dinner, and fights with Buffy. Dawn could even remember the Christmases when Mom and Dad were fighting, and Dawn had been hiding in her closet, and how Buffy had come into the closet too and told her stupid stories about school so Dawn didn't have to hear what their parents were saying.

Dawn's gaze drifted up to the porcelain angel on the top of the tree. She wasn't sure that she believed in Heaven, but if there was a place like that, then Mom was there. Dawn just hoped Mom wasn't worrying about her and Buffy too much.

Funnily enough, Dawn realized that she missed Buffy more than she missed Mom. Mom was dead and wasn't ever coming back, but maybe, some day, Buffy might find a way through the portal to St. Louis, and find Dawn, and--

Dawn stopped that line of thought as fast as she could. She wasn't going to start wishing for things that were impossible.

Even if she'd bought a Christmas present for a sister she may never see again. Nathaniel had understood. He bought presents for his dead brother, too.

Dawn didn't want to think about sisters and dead brothers any more. She pushed away from the living room wall and headed for the kitchen. The faint murmur of voices coming from Anita's room told Dawn that the adults were awake, but Dawn needed some time before she spoke with anyone.

The kitchen, at least, hadn't undergone a massive face-lift overnight. Dawn drifted idly over to the fridge, thinking about getting a glass of milk, but when she opened the door, she found herself staring at shelves packed with every kind of food product known to man. The milk was hidden in the back of the shelf, blocked in by a large bowl of dough.

Dawn sighed and closed the fridge. Maybe she'd get a glass of tap water. She dragged a kitchen chair over to the counter and climbed up to get a glass. As she closed the cupboard, her gaze fell on the shiny silver coffee maker.

Coffee.

Dawn smiled, feeling a bit of her Christmas spirit returning. She'd make coffee for everyone, as her first Christmas present to the adults.

Now, if she could only reach the coffee beans without toppling off the counter.

~~~

Dawn had just finished setting the sugar bowl on the living room table when a suspicious voice behind her said, "What did you do?"

Dawn whirled, trying to look innocent. Anita stood in the doorway, hair flying every which way, her black robe hastily belted. "Merry Christmas, Anita!" Dawn exclaimed. "I made you coffee!"

"You made coffee or you had coffee?" Anita came over and knelt beside Dawn. "You did all this yourself?"

"Uh huh," Dawn said, feeling slightly foolish at being so proud over something as simple as making coffee. "I thought you might like some coffee when you woke up. And the milk was hiding behind a bowl that was too big, but the cream was on the fridge door and so it's there and there was sugar too and here it is!"

Anita pushed her hair out of her face, giving Dawn a searching look. "That was a very nice thing to do," she said. "A wonderful thing to wake up to on Christmas morning."

Dawn beamed, throwing herself at Anita. "Merry Christmas," she said again, hugging Anita tight.

Anita returned the hug. "Merry Christmas, Dawn." She pulled back and tugged at her robe. "How are you doing?"

"I was thinking a lot about my Mom and about Buffy, but I'm okay now, I guess," Dawn said.

"Good," Anita said softly. "Will you be okay for a few minutes while I get dressed?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "I have been left alone for five minutes before, you know."

Anita smiled. "I'll be right back," she promised as she stood.

"And get Nathaniel and Micah up so we can open presents!" Dawn said as Anita left the room.

Dawn plopped herself on the couch, bouncing impatiently while she waited. The adults were taking too long! At least when she was making coffee, she had something to distract her.

Enough! Dawn slid off the couch and tip-toed over to the tree. She peered around the presents, big and small, until she spotted the boxes she'd spent such a long time wrapping the previous day.

Compared with the larger boxes, her gifts looked rather insignificant. That simply wouldn't do, Dawn thought. She maneuvered the three presents out from beside a long, flat golden box, and placed them front and center of the gift pile.

"Merry Christmas, Dawn," Micah said from behind her.

Dawn jumped to her feet and ran across the room, giving Micah a big hug. "Merry Christmas!" she exclaimed, unable to stand still. "Where's Nathaniel?"

"He'll be out in a minute," Micah said, smiling down at her. "Anita says that someone made coffee?"

"I did!" Dawn pulled Micah over to the couch. "I made coffee for everyone. Except me, because it's early and I think Anita's head would explode if I did and brains everywhere would ruin Christmas."

"I think skipping coffee was a good decision," Micah said dryly. "How long have you been up?"

"For a little bit," Dawn confessed. "I made coffee and rearranged the presents and now I'm waiting!" This last word was at a higher volume, aimed at wherever Anita and Nathaniel were hiding.

"Good things come to those who wait, didn't you know that?" Micah said. He leaned forward and called down the hall, "Anita, can you bring Dawn some socks?"

After a pause, Anita replied, unseen and strangely out of breath, "Okay!"

Dawn gave Micah a look. "Are they kissing?" she demanded. "Because I'm putting you on notice, kissing is gross and I'm ignoring any of the non PG-rated implications in this house so I don't go nuts!"

Micah gave Dawn a strange look. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Do too." Dawn kicked her bare feet in the air. "It's the reason you all have one bedroom and one bed and it's none of my business and it's going to stay that way." She paused. "Unless you make Nathaniel sleep on the floor."

"Why would I sleep on the floor?" Nathaniel asked, coming into the room. He looked so excited that Dawn perked right up.

"No reason!" Dawn bounced off the couch and ran to Nathaniel. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you," Nathaniel replied, picking Dawn up and swinging her around. Dawn squealed. This was weird but cool! Breathlessly giggling when Nathaniel stopped, Dawn couldn't stop grinning.

"Do that again!"

"Maybe later," Nathaniel promised. "Did you sleep well?"

"I don't remember," Dawn said, wriggling until Nathaniel put her down. "Where's Anita? We have presents to open!"

"Here I am." Anita hurried into the living room, fully dressed this time and armed with a pair of tiny socks. "Socks first, then presents."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You people and your foot fetish!" Muttering under her breath, Dawn sat on the floor and pulled on her socks. "Okay, now coffee, then presents!"

"Do you want me to get you some milk?" Nathaniel asked.

Dawn waved the suggestion away. "I'll be the P.M.C.," she said. "You sit and drink."

"P.M.C.?" Anita echoed as she curled up on the couch next to Micah.

"Present Master of Ceremonies," Dawn clarified. "Nathaniel, sit down!" she ordered.

Obediently, Nathaniel sat on the floor by the couch in front of Anita. With her audience assembled, Dawn clapped her hands together.

"We've gathered here today to celebrate Christmas," she began, ignoring the bemused expression on Anita's face. "Christmas is a time of family and togetherness and babies in cowsheds and stuff, but since we're fresh out of Baby Jesus, we'll do the togetherness thing instead."

Anita opened her mouth, but Dawn didn't stop.

"And part of Christmas is to give presents to say welcome to the family, like the Magii did, so let's begin." Dawn picked up the first of her gifts and carried it over to Micah. "This is for you."

"Thank you very much, Dawn," Micah said. He unwrapped the paper to reveal a small plush kitten.

"See, it's like me," Dawn said, unable to restrain herself. She leaned against Micah's knee. "It's got hair like mine and eyes like mine and it's a cat so you can keep it around when you're working so you won't have to be bored or lonely."

Micah held up the stuffed toy. "Dawn, this is amazing, thank you." His voice was quiet, but Dawn knew he was really happy inside, and she beamed.

"You're welcome!" she chirped. "Merry Christmas!" Dawn scampered back to the presents and grabbed Anita's gift. "This is for Anita."

"You didn't have to do this," Anita said, looking at the wrapped lump in her hands. Dawn made a face.

"Yeah, well, tough. Open it!" Dawn danced about impatiently as Anita ripped open the paper.

The expression on Anita's face was worth every argument with Nathaniel about buying the cup, Dawn decided. She started giggling. "Do you like it?"

"Dawn..."

Even Nathaniel was smiling. Dawn climbed up into Anita's lap and pointed at the cup. "See? It says, 'I never drink wine,' like Dracula did in the Dracula movie! It's funny because you know vampires and you like vampires and you can take the cup to work and Bert can't get mad at you for having an inappropriate cup because you're saying that you don't drink on the job!"

Anita looked at the writing on the cup. "But I don't even like alcohol," she pointed out.

"I know, so it's got like double meaning." Dawn put her tiny hands over Anita's larger ones, and turned the cup so Anita could see inside. "There's even little vampire fangs inside!"

Anita frowned. "Why did you get this for me?" she asked, ignoring Micah's soft touch on her arm.

Dawn cuddled closer to Anita, feeling the woman's heartbeat faint against her cheek. "Because you don't smile enough. You have everything else in the whole world and money to buy your own stuff, but you can't make yourself smile." She looked up at Anita. "Don't you like it?"

The room was silent as Dawn waited for Anita to respond. The woman took a shaky breath and smiled. "I like it, I do."

"Are you going to cry?" Dawn asked.

"No, I'm not going to cry," Anita said, and Dawn was relieved that her voice was stronger. "I'll take this cup to work and drink out of it every day."

"Good," Dawn declared. She slipped off Anita's lap and hurried back to the tree. "Now it's Nathaniel's turn."

Nathaniel sat up against the couch. Dawn could feel the nervousness and excitement rolling off him, and she feverishly hoped that he liked what she'd gotten for him.

"This is for you," she said, maneuvering the box over to the couch. Nathaniel met her halfway, and Dawn gratefully let him take the present from her. "Open it."

Nathaniel set the box on the ground and carefully opened the tape on the sides of the box. Dawn bit her lip, impatient, as Nathaniel smoothed the paper back from the box and opened the lid.

"Do you like it?" Dawn asked.

"What is it?" Nathaniel asked, lifting the gift out of the box.

"It's a photo album!" Dawn plopped down on the ground beside Nathaniel and pushed open the book's cover. "It's empty, but you said that Christmas is for family so you can take pictures of everyone and put it in the book and never forget about us, and look at pictures when you're sad and they'll cheer you up."

Nathaniel looked up from the book. "Thank you, Dawn," he said, smiling. Dawn knew there were so many emotions in his head that he didn't know what to feel, but that was his business and besides, she knew that he was happy.

"You're welcome," she said, leaning over and giving him a hug.

"Those were some awesome gifts," Anita said, leaning forward. "But you know, I bet there's one or two for you under that tree, too."

Dawn looked up hopefully. "Can I open them?" she asked, feeling that old excitement return.

Anita raised an eyebrow. "Well, we can take them back, but I'm perfectly willing to open them--"

"I'll do it!" Dawn interrupted, bolting for the tree. She looked at the vast array of presents laid out before her, then turned around. "Where should I start?"

Micah stood and came over to the tree. "Actually, Dawn, can you wait to open presents for a moment?" he asked. "There's a present that Nathaniel should open first."

Dawn was all set to pout, but then she caught a glimpse in Micah's mind of what was in a certain blue-wrapped box, and she was off, pushing aside presents. "Here it is!" she shouted, pushing it across the carpet to Nathaniel. "Open it!"

Nathaniel didn't seem to know what to do. He looked to Anita, then to Micah, then Dawn. "But Dawn was going to get to open gifts now," he said softly.

"Trust me, you gotta open this one first!" Dawn gave the box one final shove.

Still unsure, Nathaniel pulled the paper from the box. "What's this?" he asked when the ripped paper revealed the shiny picture on the box.

Anita slipped off the couch and moved across the floor to sit beside Nathaniel. "It's a digital camera," she said.

Nathaniel stared at Anita, and it was as if everything else in the room went away. Dawn leaned back against Micah, trying not to feel left out, or jealous, but she wasn't exactly succeeding.

Micah knelt, pulling Dawn into the crook of his arm. She snuggled against him, wondering for the hundredth time if Hank had been like this with Buffy, and how he could have walked away. Would Micah walk away from Anita? From Nathaniel? From her?

"You remembered," Nathaniel said, pulling Dawn out of her fledging funk. "About the camera."

Anita touched the back of Nathaniel's hand. "Of course I did."

There was more going on beneath the words, and Dawn knew that if she listened,, she'd be able to pull the threads of the story loose, but her patience was wearing thin. "Are you going to open it so we can take pictures today?"

Nathaniel turned to Dawn, flashing her such a brilliant smile that Dawn instantly felt better. "I've never used one of these before, can you help me figure it out?"

"Okay!" Dawn squirmed out from under Micah's arm and 'helped' Nathaniel by ripping the rest of the paper from the box. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nathaniel mouth the words, 'thank you' to Anita.

~~~

Dawn lay back on the carpet, hand flung over her eyes melodramatically. "I can't go on!"

A moment's silence, then someone started tickling Dawn. Shrieking with laughter, she curled up into a ball as Anita continued to tickle her. "You can't go on opening presents?"

"Can't breathe!" Dawn managed to gasp out. The tickle attack ceased. "It's like present overload!"

Anita pushed Dawn's mop of hair out of her face. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"There's only two left," Nathaniel said, coming back into the living room with a tray of biscuits. "You're almost done."

"Thank god." Dawn stumbled to her feet and carried the latest unwrapped gift over to the television stand, where she had stacked the presents as they came. The pile was so big that she could barely see the television. "You sit there and keep Thelonious company," she instructed the stuffed lamb.

"Thelonious?" Micah echoed. "You're naming the teddy bear Thelonious?"

Dawn nodded. "He's a jazz guy. There was a special on him on TV last week." Dawn held up the bear. "This bear is a Thelonious."

Anita pushed some wrapping paper to the side of the room. "What about the lamb?" she asked. "What are you going to name him?"

Dawn set the bear down and picked up the lamb. "That's a good question." She stared at the lamb as a faintly remembered conversation crossed her mind. "He's going to be Augustine."

She didn't understand the sudden shift in Anita's emotions. "Why that name?" Anita asked.

Dawn looked up, a strange sense of vertigo as she heard Giles' voice in her head. "There was this guy I knew," she said, not wanting to tell Anita about all the reading she'd done on St. Augustine. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Dawn dropped the lamb on the pile and dashed back over to sit beside Nathaniel on the couch. "This is a great Christmas."

"I'm glad you like it," Nathaniel said, so cheerful inside that it swept Dawn's confusion away. "Do you like everything?"

Dawn nodded happily. "Everything's so cool!"

"What do you like best so far?"

Dawn considered that. "The best gift? I don't know, there's so many!" She kicked her feet, which had lost the socks during a particularly heated struggle with red wrapping paper. "The big bunch of board games rocked so much! You gotta promise to play them all with me."

"Okay, I promise," Nathaniel said.

"And the watch was neat, too." Dawn held up her wrist for Nathaniel's inspection. "Thanks for not getting me a silly baby watch. Or a silly baby backpack."

"So you like the flowers?" Nathaniel asked.

"Yup. A flower backpack is so much better than something with dolls and unicorns on it."

Micah approached the couch and laid two still-wrapped presents on the coffee table. "We're almost done the presents."

Dawn took a deep breath and sat up, ready to reenter the fray. The first gift was the large box from Jean-Claude, and the other was a small flat velvet case.

Dawn turned to the vampire's gift. "Did Jason ever tell you what was in this?" she asked Nathaniel.

"Nothing creepy," Nathaniel promised.

Anita gave him an incredulous look. "How did this come up?" she demanded.

Nathaniel opened his mouth to respond, but Dawn beat him to it. "Jason brought over a gift for me from Jean-Claude and I asked if it was a creepy vampire gift or an okay vampire gift, and Jason said he'd ask."

"Dawn--"

"Shh!" Dawn hissed. "I can't open this if I'm distracted." She untied the ribbon and lifted the lid on the box. "Huh."

Nathaniel leaned over to look into the box. "That's a very nice doll," he said.

Dawn moved back from the table and pulled the bottom of the box down to the floor, so it was propped against the coffee table like an old coffin picture. "It's looking at me."

Sure enough, the almost life-sized porcelain doll, with beautiful light brown hair and rosy cheeks, seemed to stare directly at Dawn.

"I'm sure you're just imagining things," Anita said, as Dawn began to walk back and forth in front of the doll.

"Its eyes are following me!" Dawn exclaimed "I've seen this episode of the Twilight Zone and it doesn't end well!"

"Dawn, the doll's not looking--" Anita stopped behind Dawn. "Okay, that's just weird."

Dawn tilted her head back to stare up at Anita. "He's your boyfriend."

Anita sighed. "I'm sure he meant well."

"Unless he bought me a possessed doll! One that's going to kill me in my sleep and take over my life and pretend to be me!"

Anita picked up the doll box and moved it over to the gift pile. "Jean-Claude did not buy you a possessed doll."

"Ask him!" Dawn said, following Anita and tugging on her shirt hem. "Please?"

"This doll is not possessed. However, I'm not so sure about you."

Dawn stuck her tongue out at Anita, hearing the faint electronic shutter snap in the background as Nathaniel took another picture. "I'm not possessed, I'm excited!"

"Nathaniel, who is this for?" Micah asked, holding up the flat velvet box.

Body-snatching doll forgotten, Dawn dashed across the room, taking the last present from Micah's hand. "This is from me," she told him.

"Who is it for?"

"We got it the other day at the mall," Nathaniel said, putting his camera on the table.

"Who is it for?" Anita asked, her voice nothing more than background noise to Dawn as she slowly opened the case, just to make sure that the locket was still inside.

Strong arms lifted Dawn and set her on the couch beside Anita. Nathaniel settled on Dawn's other side. A small undercurrent ran over Dawn's head, but it was gone before she could look up. "This is a gift from Dawn to Buffy," Nathaniel said as Dawn opened the box wider to show the beautiful silver locket that caught her attention in the mall.

"A gift from Dawn to her sister," Anita repeated. Dawn traced the intricate silver design on the front of the locket with a tiny finger, a finger no bigger than those of the porcelain doll sitting across the room.

Nathaniel reached into the box and removed the necklace. "It's also for Dawn." He undid the clasp on the chain and put the necklace around Dawn's throat. "It's so you can wear it and remember all the good times with your mom and your sister."

Dawn looked at Nathaniel with wide eyes as he adjusted the locket so it sat on the center of the chain. "Really?"

"Really."

Anita cleared her throat. Still staring at Nathaniel, Dawn noticed that the man shot Anita a look, almost a glare. "That's a very nice gift for your sister," Anita said.

Anita sure didn't sound as if she meant it, but Dawn didn't care. She climbed to her feet on the couch and wrapped her arms around Nathaniel's neck, hugging him as tight as she could. "Thank you," she sniffled, burying her face into the shoulder of Nathaniel's shirt.

"You're welcome," Nathaniel replied.

After a minute, when the threatened flood of tears had abated, Dawn let go of Nathaniel and sat back on the couch, leaning against Anita.

"Can I see that locket?" Micah asked, perching on the edge of the coffee table. Dawn nodded, and Micah reached out to touch the locket. Just as quickly, he jerked his hand back.

"What?" Dawn demanded, startled by the sudden movement.

Micah let out a short breath, almost a pant. "That's made of pure silver," he said. "It surprised me, that's all."

Dawn gripped the locket hard, the sliver ridges digging into her palm. She hadn't thought about silver and lycanthropes being non-mixy things! Micah had touched the locket and had been hurt, and Nathaniel...

"Are you hurt?" Dawn demanded, climbing into Nathaniel's lap. "Did you get hurt?"

"Dawn, I'm fine," Nathaniel tried to reassure her. He showed her his fingers. The skin looked red but not inflamed. "I only just touched the necklace."

"But why did you do it if you knew it would hurt?" Dawn asked. She touched the pads of his fingers, trying to reassure herself that he was really going to be okay.

"It didn't hurt," Nathaniel said, anxiety creeping into his voice. "It was only like touching some water that was too hot. Not boiling, but too hot, and only for a second. I'm fine."

"But--"

"Dawn, Nathaniel is fine," Anita interrupted. She did not sound happy. "He's sorry he scared you and he won't do it again."

Someone sighed, and since Nathaniel was still quietly freaking out and Anita was mad, that left Micah. "Would you like to come here and show me the locket that you got for your sister?" he asked.

Dawn blinked at him. "But you can't touch it, you'll hurt yourself."

"Not if you hold it up and show me," Micah said. His voice was calm and soft, like Mom's used to be when Dawn was freaking out. "You can show it to me, can't you?"

Not knowing what else to do, Dawn slipped off Nathaniel's lap to the floor. She couldn't deal with why Nathaniel was so anxious, or why Anita was mad, but she could at least show the locket to Micah. She held it up for Micah's inspection.

"That's beautiful," Micah said after a moment. "And you got it for your sister?"

"Uh huh, because she likes things like that," Dawn whispered. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay," Micah said, frown lines forming around his mouth. "Family is very important, and you are very important. To Buffy and to us."

Dawn looked down at the locket, cradled in her hands. Her tiny hands, useless hands. Hands that weren't really hers, but then what was hers? This body, or the one she'd had in Sunnydale? That wasn't really real, either.

"I'm going to go get dressed," Dawn said, mumbling at her toes.

"I thought you wanted to help me make breakfast," Nathaniel said. His voice sounded fine, but Dawn could feel the anxiety in his head, knew that his joy at Christmas had gone away, and it was all her fault.

"No, thank you." Dawn headed towards the stairs, her tiny bare feet crunching silently in the carpet. At home in LA, before Sunnydale, the floors had been hardwood, and her bare feet used to squeak when she ran, ignoring Mom's commands to stop running in the house.

"Wait, Dawn--" Anita's voice almost made her stop, but then Micah interested with a low, unintelligible entreaty, and Dawn kept walking.

The rest of the house was still dark. Dawn climbed the stairs one at a time, her little legs unable to motor her up any faster. The upstairs hallway seemed cold, even though Dawn knew logically that the central heating in the house was working perfectly.

What was wrong with her? She'd been so happy earlier, with the presents and with Anita and Micah and Nathaniel, and now everything was gone, popped like an over-full balloon. Was it the locket? Dawn paused to look at the pendant hanging against her pajama top. No, it wasn't the locket. It was everyone's reaction to the locket.

Micah had liked it, Dawn knew that. He hadn't been mad at her for getting Buffy a Christmas present. And Nathaniel... well, he had given her the money to buy it, and she knew that he understood.

But Anita didn't understand, and Dawn was starting to think that she didn't want to.

Her bedroom was more of a mess than she remembered. The bed covers were strewn over the ground, half-covering scattered library books. Letting out a sigh, Dawn picked up the books and put them to the side of the room, then pulled her covers back onto the bed.

Dawn didn't get it. Anita had lost her mother a long time ago, why did she think it was so weird that Dawn wanted to get Buffy something? For when she saw her sister again?

And just like that, a wave of homesickness washed over Dawn, so great and overpowering that she stopped breathing for a moment. She missed Buffy, she missed Mom, and Willow and Tara and Spike and Giles and Xander. It was Christmas and she didn't have them with her, and she didn't know if she'd ever see them again.

Sniffling but refusing to cry, Dawn shuffled to the bedside table. She opened her journal to the last entry, two days previous.

Dear Buffy,

It's almost Christmas! Two more days and it's present city. Nathaniel and Anita and Micah got me so many things, it's going to be so cool. Mostly I think it was Nathaniel, because he didn't have a lot of presents as a kid and he thinks it's so cool to buy things for other people.

I went shopping today with Nathaniel, just like we used to do for Mom. The mall in this place is crazy. Everyone's so big! And it's not just because I'm so small.

I don't know what else to write. I keep hoping that I'll see you soon... but you and I both know it's more complicated than that.

More complicated. Like interdimensional-killer-demon-and-ghostly-energy-ball complicated. Like her mother was dead and her sister was so far away and she was all alone, that kind of complicated.

Dawn let the book slide from her fingers to the bed with a thump. She wanted to feel excited about the day again, but she missed Mom and Buffy so much it hurt.

A soft knock on the door made Dawn turn around.

"Hey you," Anita said, stepping hesitantly into the room. "Why are you in here without the lights on?"

Dawn shrugged, looking anywhere but at Anita.

Anita switched on the lamp. "There, that's better, isn't it?"

Dawn slouched against the bed, her arms over her chest.

"Are you doing okay?" Anita asked, crossing the room to sit beside Dawn.

Rubbing her fingers over the leather cover of her journal, Dawn shrugged again. "I guess."

Quiet. Downstairs, Dawn could hear faint rattling in the kitchen, Nathaniel preparing breakfast, and there was a moment she regretted that she wasn't down there helping him make the quiche he'd promised her.

Anita drew in a shaky breath. "It's fine if you're not okay," she said. "I know you always try to be brave, and you are. But sometimes, everyone's entitled to a bad day."

Dawn stared hard at her knees, not wanting to see the expression on Anita's face. "I just..." She sniffled. "I miss Mommy," she whispered. "And she's dead and I'm never going to see her again and I didn't..." More sniffles. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Anita's hand was warm and reassuring on Dawn's back. "Your mom knew that you loved her, that's what moms do."

"But it's not the same."

"It's been a busy morning," Anita said. "Lots of ups and downs. How about we take some quiet time to get ourselves together?"

Dawn concentrated on breathing. "Quiet time's not going to change anything." She was pleased to note that her voice was sullen, and while it still made her sound like a baby, it was better than almost crying.

"Probably not," Anita conceded. "But you've been up for several hours and all you've had to eat was half a biscuit."

"It was a good biscuit," Dawn protested. "And I'm not that bad."

"I know." The corner of Anita's mouth turned up. "Heck, I can think of several Christmases in recent memory when I've been worse."

Dawn leaned against Anita. "Why are you mad about the necklace?"

"I'm not--"

"Yes, you are." Dawn tapped her forehead. "I'm not trying to hear you, but you were really unhappy and it's not fair. Why can't I get my sister a present?"

Anita bit her lower lip. "I'm not mad that you got your sister a present, Dawn, but I don't think it's..." Her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the words. "We're not having a lot of luck in locating your sister."

"I know that!" Dawn said, glaring. "I'm not stupid! I know you can't find her and I know you think I'm crazy or something but I told you the truth about Buffy! That doesn't mean I have to give up hope that I'll see her again! Hope's not supposed to be logical or realistic, it just is!"

"Dawn--"

Desperate to not have this conversation with Anita, Dawn cast her mind around for something to change the subject. "I have to get ready to go to Richard's mom's house," she blurted out, jumping off the bed. "I have to brush my hair."

"Dawn, we need to talk about--"

"I'm going to wear the blue dress!" Dawn spoke quickly over Anita's soft, relentless words. "Nathaniel ironed it and it's pretty!"

She was breathing hard as if she'd run a mile, even though she hadn't moved.

Anita looked at Dawn for a long moment, then let out a sigh. "Would you like some help getting dressed?" she asked.

Feeling as if she'd let something slip away from her, Dawn nodded. "Yes, please."

She may pretend that she didn't need any help, but right then, she'd take anything she could get.

~~~

Please Continue to Part II

Comments

[shadow-in-eden.livejournal.com]

OMG *reads*

[sabriel-0405.livejournal.com]

I second the OMG!

[slytrn-heir.livejournal.com]

Thirding the OMG!

[shadow-in-eden.livejournal.com]

OMG again!

[shadow-in-eden.livejournal.com]

AND THE LINK IS DED!

DDD:

[ktoth04.livejournal.com]

OMG

(lol, thats what like eight bajillion people before me said XD)