the new tumblr update is making me persnickety I feel like I want to play the headcanon game when it

[mhalachai]

via http://ift.tt/1Nbm0SS:
the new tumblr update is making me persnickety I feel like I want to play the headcanon game when it comes to Hands of Clay. Either send me your Hands of Clay headcanons (comment or asks), or ask me about my headcanons/story bible/behind the scenes stuff - I’ll answer anything I can that isn’t spoilery. 

Comments

[dragonlady7]

(This is bomberqueen17 from Tumblr, reverting to my old LJ handle!)

I have been wondering about something-- from the beginning of the series, James has frequently internally-commented on his aching knees, his extreme advanced age, etc. Being a newly-minted 36-year-old with my share of battle scars, I wonder how badly decrepit he really is! Surely there'd be lingering damage from the traumatic explosion and a lifetime of running a lot (I have never been a runner but all my sisters lettered in track, and one has been in the Army since the 90s and has accumulated her fair share of internal scar tissue just from the repetitive stress of PT and also being a jackass and breaking her leg jumping out of a plane for the glory of getting jump wings, and then CONCEALING THE INJURY so she could finish jump school, so, yeah) --
but is he really that creaky? or does he just think he's creakier than other people?

And-- you make a point of him needing to diet and exercise-- is Steve truly so fortunate in metabolism or does he work equally hard behind the scenes?

Feel free to just talk about how hot they mutually are, that's a fine answer too.
(Experimenting with having a long-form nested comment environment, to see if it blows my mind. So far yes!)

[mhalachai]

heya! See the thing with Bucky is that there's a lot of his issues that I'm weaving in slowly in case I want to bring them to the fore later, but that all work is sitting in the story for James' characterization. So basically, James has three things going on that are contributing to his (vocalized) physical state:

1. The physical trauma of a life hard spent - track in high school, working construction as a teenager, then eight or so years in the Army living rough on deployment, and that culminating in the explosion that took his arm and ended his career.

2. Overcompensation since the explosion - when the human body is out of balance, overcompensation and balance issues can arise and over time can compound if one isn't careful. so James carries weight on his right side and overcompensates for balance (especially if that weight is a small child who doesn't get why she needs to be still and wants to kick!) and so over time muscle and joint aches can add up.

3. The physical effect that emotional trauma can have on the body. We've seen Bucky articulate when he knows he's experiencing the emotional and mental symptoms of his PTSD (nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, heightened vigilance, flashbacks) but the physical symptoms that can accompany PTSD (and associated depression) are woven through the story in Bucky's reactions to his physical sensations. He's tired a lot, he has a low sex drive, he just aches sometimes, and as he's isolated himself so much over the years and has no adult to talk to about this stuff, he tells himself it's just because he's old (at 32).

Because admitting that it's not that he's old, that he's going through (and has gone through) a lot of complete shit and he should be in counselling or talking to someone, that means it's outside of Bucky's control and that is one thing he can't ever had. He has to be in control. Because if he's in control, then nothing bad can happen to him.

Bucky Barnes: More issues than the National Geographic.

As for the talk about food and exercise, that was for something that I may or may not expand on, around Bucky's control issues extending to food and exercise. Back when he was running around all the time, he never had to worry about food or anything, but after he lost his arm and basically got benched, he started to focus on what parts of his life he could control and that included food and exercise. In the early months with Natasha, I think I mentioned in the story that he was having to monitor her calorie intake a lot because she wasn't gaining like she should (a sensitive belly and just being so sick for so long), so calories were top of mind for him for a while and that probably didn't help James' mind.

Of course, James doesn't see that Steve's working out hard for over an hour every day - he spends his lunch break at work on the treadmill or on the weights, in addition to a good metabolism. But James sees Steve eating all this food and he just focuses on what he can control.

tl;dr - Bucky has gone through a lot physically and is impacted physically by past emotional traumas, but he's also so isolated that he'd got this echo chamber in his head where he can convince himself that he's just getting old, and push back the idea that maybe a 32 year old man should be feeling like that and he should talk to someone. But, again, control.


(PS: Your sister is hardcore, wow)

[(Anonymous)]

I would love to know anything you can tell us about Sam in HoC!Does he live in DC? What was he like with Clint? Did he KNOW Clint, or was that a level Steve didn't want to go to? Did he know that Steve and Sharon was still kinda-sorta when she was in town? How long ago was he a thing with Steve, and if it was recent, how would he take it when Steve gets serious with Bucky when he wasn't ready to go there with Sam? Oh, god, if it was years ago then omg, Sam with baby!Clint I think I just died....

(I'm not on LJ any more, or on most media, and we don't know each other but I love your work.)