Inevitable 16.

[mhalachai]

So: Chapter Sixteen of Inevitable (That truth lies somewhere, if we knew but where) is up.

At TTH
At Pomme de Sang
At Skyehawke


Some of you may notice that I'm writing Harry as a bit of a sexual innocent in this story. Because, in my reading of the books so far, he is. The Dursely household seems rather uptight in its attitudes on all things, his dormmates seem similarly young this way (in what we've seen) and Harry's only interactions with girls he likes (Cho, the dance in GoF) were horrible. Not that he's a kid, but some things will just never have occurred to him.

Which I change in this chapter.

Please comment and tell me what you think of what I've done. Always willing to discuss.




Well, off to a barbeque with my parents. (TTYLBBQ?)

Comments

[houses7177.livejournal.com]

The font did turn out nicely on the second one- and I like the simpler texture over Fred's face. Illyria's coloring is good, and I like her placement and predatory gaze.

As for Inevitable, a very insightful chapter. Anita's issues are clear to us, but not perhaps to Harry. I think he is very much a sexual innocent, and this life he finds himself in must be rather overwhelming.

When Nathaniel was talking with Harry about his previous occupation, it almost seemed like he was saying that his clients liked to have the pain inflicted on them, which isn't what I remember. Harry also seems to echo this thought. Was it intentional? Harry comments that he's a little alarmed that he now knew people that liked to cause pain- but was he thinking of Anita or Nathaniel. Just a bit confused, don't mind me.

As for the Micah dynamic, very nice. His insecurites about Richard are subtly done, but very much there. Fun stuff.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

almost seemed like he was saying that his clients liked to have the pain inflicted on them, which isn't what I remember.

Good point, and I had to go back and tweak that section, to clarify that the clients liked to cause pain. All better now.

I think I may go back and strip the Illyria icon down to basics, maybe tidy up Fred a bit. All of this is just testing my sea legs, so to speak :)

[sabriel-0405.livejournal.com]

I liked this chapter a lot. I think that Harry is a sexual innocent. The books are written that way deliberately. That might change somewhat in this next book but probably not a lot.

I loved his interaction with Nathaniel. Nathaniel is very open about who and what he is, though he has been careful with Anita.

I wasn't as sure about the interaction with Micah and Nathaniel, though the Richard angle could impact that. I can't see Micah blaming Nathaniel in any way but then we just haven't seen Micah that angry about anything yet.

Anita's reaction in the morning was very good. The shattering of her protective wall. The self-doubt that is with her always and that she constantly strives to compensate for.

Excellent work.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I wasn't as sure about the interaction with Micah and Nathaniel

This was deliberate, and will be dealt with more in coming chapters. Anita "knows" that she hurt Nathaniel and Richard, but not Micah, so he's the only one who's really able to handle her right now. But as Nimir-Raj, having his Nimir-Ra disabled and one of his leopards dragged along, plus Harry in the house and the Master to deal with and the Richard angle that we discussed a while ago... Micah's having a very bad day.

Also, like Nathaniel, (well, all the men), Micah is very careful about how he acts around Anita. He's more willing to vent at Nathaniel b/c Nate's almost expecting it, from his alpha.

But I ramble :P All in good time. Thanks for your kind words.

[cissasghost.livejournal.com]

I think how you've written Harry is completely in-character, not to mention making for very interesting reading. He's not naive, he's just ignorant (sheltered, if you'd like a gentler word) - intelligent but not used to thinking of the world in those terms.

And I felt very bad for Nathaniel all through this chapter - in a good way, you know. You made it very easy to empathize.

-Sonya

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I think if the Volde-war wasn't going on, Harry might be a more well-rounded character, but when a crazy wizard's out to kill you, then a well-rounded dating life's out of the question.