some vid rec housekeeping, and some Inevitable stuff

[mhalachai]

I thought I'd organize my tags a bit more, and now have split up my fanfic recs and my fan vid recs. Also, a couple of links if you're looking for quality fan vids:

The Video Elite award site: Has the winners of their monthly vid search (on this linked page) and under "Resources" you can find a pile of vid sites for almost every fandom.

An LJ community with good vid recs in many fandoms: vidder_weekly. Not much activity recently, but they've got great past posts with tons of recs.

Lastly, for my latest fandom obsession, a Stargate Atlantis vid, in case you haven’t seen it:
Stress (Rodney McKay) by Rache and Sandy (wickedwords and sherrold)
This is quite possibly the best McKay vid I've seen, and the song matches so well. *pokes* go download.

~**~**~**~**~**~

And for those of you who don't vid, some talk on the complication that is the latest chapter of Inevitable. Chapter 69 is the chapter in which everyone draws deep breath, knowing something is on the horizon, but not sure what. From chapter 70 to 80, no one gets to breathe.

ANYWAY, in this chapter I'm stuck on one very specific thing: Anita's letter to Harry. I've got most of the content down, it's just I'm in a quandary. Anita has to open up to Harry in certain ways, to show their growing relationship, while still maintaining her discomfort of him seeing her in his dreams. Thing is, Anita has so much going on that she can't talk to anyone at home about (mostly with Nathaniel, her own sense of failure, her fears). How much of that would she put in a letter? How much disconnect can exists in the letter medium, versus Anita telling Harry all this to his face?

So yeah, stumped. I thought about just writing past it, continuing on, as Harry has a hell of a lot of people to see in this chapter (and even some beat-downs to dish out). But I know myself. If I leave it now, I'll convince myself later on that it's fine and all that.

Meh. So yeah, I'm being defeated by my own indecision. And my strange reluctance to end the story. It's been my baby for more than a year. Oh well. I'll suck it up and write the end and then move onto the rest of the stories I've got going on.

PS: Inevitable is at 412,483 words. That's about seven levels of insane.

Oh god, you have no idea how hard it is to find an icon for this post. I need to change up my icons. Here, I'll use this one:

Comments

[thymidinekinase.livejournal.com]

Good luck. Hope that the letter turns out well. I'm really looking forward to more _Inevitable_.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I think I'm spending more time thinking on this matter as I'm getting performance anxiety. The "what if I suck?" part of it. And yes, I'm insane.

I just need to suck it up and write :)

[feikoi.livejournal.com]

You could always /not/ abandon your baby and leave a possibility for a sequel... *grins*

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

No matter what I do, there will be a lot of room open for a sequel. It's just ending this part that hurts :)

[firefox1490.livejournal.com]

OHHHHHHHHH Sequel!!!!

My .02c

[laney-1974.livejournal.com]

Thing is, Anita has so much going on that she can't talk to anyone at home about (mostly with Nathaniel, her own sense of failure, her fears). How much of that would she put in a letter? How much disconnect can exists in the letter medium, versus Anita telling Harry all this to his face?

My opinion (which you can take or leave, cause I really don't know what I'm talking about most of the time) is that I think Anita wouldn't tell Harry all that much, certainly not in a letter. To Anita, Harry is still a kid. A kid with massive problems of his own. She wouldn't want to burden him with more than he already has, regardless of what he's seen in her dreams.

I hope that doesn't complicate things. Like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time...

Re: My .02c

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Unfortunatly, what I need to get across is that Anita doesn't see Harry as only a child any more, but as a bit of a friend (and it's not a big confidence, it's a small slipped in line about Anita's dealing with the fallout from the Olaf incident). If I can't make that work, I'm going to have to abandon the fic because the ending won't make any damned sense.

Anyway, I'm just being really down on my own writing today after some RL bad news yesterday. I'm in the "I can do no right" part of the day. Yeah, I'm grumpy and overly critical of myself today.

Re: My .02c

[dhark-charlotte.livejournal.com]

I can see Anita pouring everything out in a letter to Harry, stuffing it in an envelope and then freaking cause when she goes to tear it up, Nate has already mailed it for her...

Re: My .02c

[laney-1974.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

All I can say here is for you to go with your instincts. If it feels write, keep it. If it doesn't, then don't. If it doesn't, then perhaps writing past it for the moment (like you suggested) is the thing to do. You could then, later on, get your point across using a different medium (a phone call as opposed to a letter - providing it's possible to do so). Anita is a hard one to write on this particular point because she doesn't open up to people and she's so intent of taking care of people (look how long it took her to really see Nathanial). Regardless of what you write, I know I'll love it.

Try not to be so down on yourself. You're an amazing writer. I'm sorry that you got some RL bad news. If you feel the need to vent, you can email me and I'll be happy to listen.

I hope I didn't say anything to upset you. That wasn't my intent at all.

Re: My .02c

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

A lot of my RL news has been impacting my comments; it's one of those Big Things that needs to be dealt with.... job sort of stuff. Alas.

Anita is a hard one to write on this particular point because she doesn't open up to people and she's so intent of taking care of people
I think one of those things I want to try and put across is that Anita opening up to Harry, even in the littlest way, is a way of her saying "Look, this is a kid but he's been through a hell of a lot, and he's like family now... sort of. And I have got so much shit in my life relating to Nathaniel and Micah and Jean-Claude that I need to talk to someone and Harry might be able to listen to me because he's over there and I'm over here"

And that above line may be "Mhalachai has just gotten back from a night out of drinking and is a little bit uncertain as to what she's saying". I reserve the right to wake up tomorrow morning and correct this comment :D

I hope I didn't say anything to upset you. That wasn't my intent at all.
No, it's not that. I've been as touchy as a sea urchin** all day, and it has nothing to do with fic or lj or anything, I'm having a hard time with everything.

** Factoid: I have a bachelor's degree in Marine Biology and Oceanography, so it's highly possible that that statement above only make sense to me.

[dvak-64.livejournal.com]

The icon is perfect, if only because Wicked if frakking AWESOME.

Not that my advice is better than your actual content, but it looks to me like she trusts Harry plenty. He's family, he's pack, and he's committed to keeping her from harm. Maybe "harm" includes personal misgivings, and she'd realize that and write to him on that?

On a passing crazy little notion, an alternative could be that Harry, believing he needs to talk to Anita personally (either because of a dream he has of her experiences or because of a "general sense of foreboding" or because he just wants to touch base), does one of two things with a fireplace. A), he floo powders into the Blake household (does floo travel that far?), or B) ash-talks to Anita a la Sirius in the Gryffindor common room in the fourth book.

[dvak-64.livejournal.com]

Actually, Laney's got a point (see above); she wouldn't say too much to him. But I don't think that telling him something would necessarily be burdening; Harry's sorta made it his place to be connected to her. It might not be the most fun conversation they've ever had, but it'd certainly be weight-offa-chest-lifting.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Anita realizing that she can tell someone else her problems would be a step forward for her, re: trust and friendship. She's there with some people (such as JC) in her life, but I think that at this point, she's coming to the understanding that Harry is her friend too. There's building on that I need to do.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Your above comments about Anita's view on Harry tell me that I've made their relationship solid in my writing. Not like steel, because they've only known each other for a little while, but more like bamboo. Strong and growing and that metaphorical stuff.

Harry's proven he has zero qualms about zipping off to muggle Scotland to call up Anita... and it's really not what he has to say, but what she has to say. This time.

Anita's Letter

[porphyriasarah.livejournal.com]

Sometimes for some people (and I don't know if your Anita is or not) its easier to tell someone you don't know (and yes I do know that Anita knows Harry but bear with me here k? I'll get to a point eventually!). Also its sometimes easier to tell people things in letters than in person. Also sometimes once you start it all just comes flowing out and its cathartic. Or it could just start as a bare facts recital and become more...I don't know but I hope my dim rambling helps. Or she could pretend to herself that she's not going to send it and so the letter turns out ok and when she's not paying attention Jason or Nathaniel gets it out of the trash and sends it. I hope I'm not being a pain in the arse here...but sometimes a person you don't know from Adam walks up and smacks you in the head with a plastic squeaky hammer and it helps.

Re: Anita's Letter

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Anita's not usually the kind of person who would bare her soul, but you do touch on what I'm aiming for, that she's not talking to him, she's writing it all down. And she has to make the conscious decision to send the letter, and she has to realize that Harry's a person she can talk to. It's not so much telling secrets as it is her stream of consciousness in the letter that really has to be written, about other things.

Meh. Maybe I'll have Anita write the thing in morse code and have Harry be all confused. K NO.

Re: Anita's Letter

[iamabee-buzz.livejournal.com]

Personally I can see Anita writing absolutely everything in her letter to Harry, deciding she shouldn't burden him with her messed up crap, throwing it out, and then re-writing a semi-pointless letter to actually send.

But somehow I don't see that working too well within the actual story :P

Re: Anita's Letter

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

It's not *everything*, it's just one tiny confession in the letter about her feeling about the recent events, just seemingly as a tossed in phrase which shows her changing attitides toward Harry, which is necessary in terms of later plot development.

Re: Anita's Letter

[catherinecookmn.livejournal.com]

Just start writing, and if you don't like what you've written, go out for a walk; it'll be easier once you have something to work with and edit.

Re: Anita's Letter

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Check your email :)

[beachmouse.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could get Marianne somehow into the discussion mix, even if it's just a passing reference. She's the one person Anita trusts most with the magical/emotional stuff right now, and if Marianne thinks it's a good idea to talk to Harry more about what's going on instead of keeping it all inside her like always, then you can get away with a longer Anita letter than you would if it was just Anita going at it on her own.

[cissasghost.livejournal.com]

How much of that would she put in a letter? How much disconnect can exists in the letter medium, versus Anita telling Harry all this to his face?

I don't think her writing it would be the issue. I think her *actually sending* what she'd written, would be the issue. Maybe have her write it, sorta get on a roll, get done and go "woah, I like, so cannot send this!" but then get distracted with other typical Anita-like traumatic life stuff, and by the time she gets back to it she's in a seriously "Oh, fuck it" sort of mood. .. . or else Nathaniel's helpful and sends it for her before she can get back to it.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

It's more of an aspect of trust, I think. Anita trusting Harry enough to tell him something, even something so small, about her feelings. It's not big flashy stuff, but it's something.

It took me a few hours today to come to that realization, that I need to get the trust aspect in here. Huh. Who said nothing constructive happens on a Saturday?

Oh, wait, that was me.

[firefox1490.livejournal.com]

Personaly I dont think that she so so much as tell him but he should kinda like sence it in what she DIDNT (doesnt) tell him.

[jaydeyn-sitari.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, beyond: *zap!* <-- confidence restorer! :)

Plus, *whines* a Rodney video?? aww... I tried to do that downloading thing and Real player had a little spack attack. I canna make it work!

:)
Jaydeyn

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Ah, the confidence restorer. That's really what I need. Does it come in pill form?

The McKay vid roxors. It's in an .AVI format. Try Media player or Winamp?

[jaydeyn-sitari.livejournal.com]

Drat. No. Didn't work with media player and winamp wouldn't download from the website for some reason. *sigh* it's just not meant to be *sniffles* I could hear the song in Real player but no vid. Oh well :(

And I have M&Ms... they're a kind of pill :)

:)
Jaydeyn

[(Anonymous)]

Do you think in the future that you will be doing more Harry Potter/Anita Blake fics?

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I will be writing a sequel to this one, and I also have planned a few other fics, not connected with the Inevitable universe. So yes :)

[jenova-silver.livejournal.com]

I think in some ways it is like email, that it is easier to say some things in a letter than it is to say to a person's face.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

Yes, especially for someone like Anita (the very closed off personality, not wanting to burden those directly involved with the matter, wanting friends and not sure really how to achieve that... basically, someone like Harry).

I think I just made a circular argument. Hmm.

Okay, back on point. Yes, there is a level of disconnect between writing something in an email/letter and not having to see the other person's reaction that can have a rather cathartic effect on a person, especially when that person is already a friend. I'll invoke the Livejournal example, where a lot of people put up a lot of personal stuff for the whole world of anonymous people to see it.

[deepfishy.livejournal.com]

Maybe you've already figured the letter out, but I just went back and re-read Anita's letter in chapter 52, and I think it captured her voice believably, if that's any help. She managed to say some things she probably wouldn't have said to Harry's face (at least, not without some kind of confrontation), but they just slipped in there - they weren't the focus of the letter.

And you are an awesome writer, no matter your moments of self-doubt. Just so you know :).

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I was actually referring to the chapter 52 letter today. This one is a little more intense, as Anita knows that no one else in St. Louis will be reading it, but not a lot so. I was trying to ape the tone of that letter.... oh well. We'll see how it works out.

And thanks so much. I'm having a tough week and frankly, sometimes I need all the happy thoughts I can get :)

[alydhe.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the vid link! I love Rodney! And all the John/Rodney scenes made me happy *heart*. I slash them so hard. ^__^

I think Anita would find it easier to tell Harry how she feels in a letter. With him in front of her she can look at how young he is or at phyical signs he's stressed and come up with excuses not to say anything. Also, someone or something is more likely to interupt if they are together.

In a letter however, a pen and paper won't judge. Harry is also removed from the situations she's currently in and so will be able to give an unbiased opionion.

In other words, I say tell all.

[spoonfuloftears.livejournal.com]

I can see a letter from Anita being hard to write, her not being that open and being uncomfortable with Harry seeing her in his dreams. Sometimes though, it's easier to write someone a letter, than to tell it to their face. Also she seems to trust him and this is a rather extreme situation. Hopefully that made some kind of sense :S

You're an Atlantis fan?

[thaliagreene.livejournal.com]

O.O

If you started writing atlantis fic, I'd probably haunt your door [and obsessively check this journal] twice as much.

Re: You're an Atlantis fan?

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I'm an Atlantis fan as of a week ago when I bought the first series on DVD.

Funny that you say that about fic, I should have my very first Atlantis fic up by tomorrow. Nothing big, just my hand at Shepherd's characterization.